Silence

Chapter 42

After my breakdown I stayed home from school for two days and turned off my phone so no one would contact me. All I did was sleep and watch Netflix and I ran on the treadmill when my family wasn't around. I tried on some clothes in my closet to see which ones I could give away and I was bored out of my mind. I did my homework the day before so I had to mentally prepare myself for tomorrow.

I decided to I should talk to one person who'd understand me I opened my phone and called Stasia. I didn't expect her to pick up but it made me feel better when she answered my call.

"Josie oh my god where have you been are you okay we all miss you" she says and then I explain to her about how I had a breakdown and a panic attack. She then tells me about her birth father and how she saw him over winter break and hasn't told anyone.

"Not even my mom knows I lied and told her I was going on a date with Drew" but he picked me up and took me out for dinner and he and I talked and caught up. He's changed since I last saw him he finally got his life together" she tells me and then we have an half hour conversation about school. Apparently Nina has new boyfriend some junior guy named Quinten good now she can back off Ryan.

She was such a hoe and she knows it too hopefully my exercise I've been doing will give me the strength to beat her up. Not that would just beat her up out of nowhere but if it has to come to that I'd be ready.

After she hung up to go to bed I was deciding whether or not to text Dylan or not. I decided not to I didn't know what to say to him that wouldn't sound weird or crazy. I then decided to sleep on it and think about it in the morning.

When I woke up my hair was a mess and I just decided to put my hair in a messy bun. I put on a yellow shirt and some jeans and wear my converses and call it a day.

I grab my bag and eat a bowl of cereal and wait in my dad's car as he drives me to school. I head straight to class and Lucy greets me and on the intercom they announce the special school wide talent show. Talent Shows are social suicide and I'm in 9th grade I can't risk that sort of embarrassment. Even though all my friends tell me that I'm an incredible singer.

"Josie you gotta tryout you're an incredible singer" Lucy tells me but I shake my head the only place I could sing was the shower. I then get back my test and I got a 89 which was the most annoying thing.

High School more like Hell School if it's that much stress and your reputation is everything. I hate getting borderline grades like a 99, 89 or 79 cause the teacher does it on purpose to make you frustrated. Lately school is getting more frustrated and soon we'd be having stupid important tests.

I walked to gym alone today and since I felt a little more confident I volunteered to run a lap. Lately the song God is a Woman has been my anthem and so I thought about it while I ran the track. Ryan asked why I had so much energy today as class was ending and I told him I felt like I could do anything.

He laughed as he spun me into his arms and I pushed him and headed into the locker-room and changed back into my clothes.

"I'm ready for next year being freshman sucks" Lucy exclaimed as she used a brush and styled her hair. I agreed with her next year I'd worry more about me than others and do what I came to this school for in the first place.

I'd start over and be a nice and better person.

Although, today wasn't as stressful I did get annoyed with my teachers expecting all my late work tomorrow.

Ryan was coming over to help me with it and knowing me I'd still not get it done. On the other note it was going to just be me and him and that would be interesting. I was still going to try to get work done but I wouldn't mind cuddling with him.

Around 5:15 he knocked on the door and I let him in and we headed to my room.

"Damn he's cute" he said pointing to a picture of Noah Centineo on my wall and then kissed the picture and I laughed and turned on my radio and sat at my desk. He grabbed a chair and we began to do my science homework. Around almost 2 hours we finished everything and I laid on my bed and he sat with me.

"Josie I love you" he tells me and my heart swells.

"Ryan I-" he kisses me and touches my back and then we keep kissing it was a good ass kiss. He then began to take his jacket and then laid me down on my back. That was the moment I started shaking and then I clutched my pillows.

"I'm sorry but it's late if my parents catch us like this I'm dead" I say and hand him back his jacket and he nods and kisses my cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow babe" he tells me and hugs me and then I walk him out and he rides his bike back to his house. For some reason when he called me babe it made me uncomfortable but when he had me on my back like that I was scared. He's a good guy but doesn't always have the right intentions if I'm being honest.

I lay down on my bed and text my friends from my old school asking them for advice. Sammi said I should try to let loose while Ella says I should set boundaries.

The one thing that has really been bothering me is that Dylan still doesn't know Ryan and I are dating. He deserved to know more than anyone cause I wouldn't want someone to do that to me.

But how was I going to tell him?