The Guy In The Dress

The Guy With The Hormones

On my hunt for a smoothie, I run into my mother. Who looks rathe taken aback to see me. Okay, more shocked at having someone plough straight into her spontaneously. Hey, I was looking down. Not my fault.

"Cooper? What are you doing here? Is something wrong? Why aren't you blond?" she fires questions at me. Like Callie, mom is blond. Rather she has it cut to her shoulders. I note the newest highlights she's had installed. In all reality, my mom doesn't look a day over thirty. But if I told you her actual age, I'd receive a swift kick to the nether regions.

"No oh hello Cooper, my wonderful son of which I love dearly," I drone on.

She sighs, "hello Cooper."

"Hello mother!" I say back enthusiastically, "much much better."

She rolls her eyes, "now, what's wrong?"

I shrug, "I've been awfully stressed lately and there's this really mean boy that has an obsession with getting me wet..."

Her eyes bulge wide and she blinks, "I.. don't mean with that... I mean with you being Callie and what not. Is there something wrong? Is that why you're not blond?"

I shake my head slowly, "no. The black just started to leak through and a friend did it for me. Hence we're here now, she wanted to meet Callie," I leave out the part about Heather walking in on me in the showers. Then mom would assume that Heather and I were sexually active... with each other. I surpress a shudder. Sure, Heather is cute and all, but I wouldn't get intiment with her. That's like getting kinky with Callie. I actually shudder at that one.

"Are you cold?" mom asks. I just swiftly nod. There's a silence.

"I should get back to Callie..." she says to me. Mom and I have never been chatty to each other. That's more of a Callie thing. Yeah, we talk when necessary and she does all the usual motherly things mothers should do for their children, but we never really clicked. Maybe because I might be the reason that Callie's and my father got up and left. I was the last born, maybe he thought it would be too much. Anyway, lets get away from the sob story - shall we?

I follow mom back to the ward and hear the rear end of a conversation.

"Yeah, so Cooper was trapped in the pool, naked, until he finally got my attention by splashing around like a looney," Callie was saying. Oh god, not that story. That was the lowest moment of my life. I had lost my swimming shorts due to the filtering system they got caught in. I swear, if I hadn't have gotten free I would have been shredded to pieces, like the shorts. As expected, Heather and Alex laugh. Har har har, laugh at my misfortunes. Dick heads.

"Typical Cooper," Alex comments dryly. Typical Cooper? What the hell does that mean?

I send a glare Callie's way when I walk in, hands crossed over my chest. Callie pulls a face to Heather, who giggles.

Oh great. They've formed a legion.

Alex, bless his soul, checks his watch and says, "Heather, we better go. We won't get back until eleven at this time."

"Damn," Heather says and leans over to give Callie a hug.

"Remember to call me if Cooper does anything stupid," she tells Heather seriously.

I glare again. This whole day has been gnawing away at my self esteem. Gee, thanks guys.

Heather agrees, gives an introduction to mom and leads Alex and I out. I give a little wave to Callie, not at all feeling up for hugging. I shove my hands into my pockets on the way back out to the car. Alex gives me a little nudge as we continue. I look back up in alarm.

"You okay?" he mouths.

I nod. That nod feeling stiff.

Alex dismisses it and continues walking. For a best friend he is pretty damn blind. It doesn't surprise me when Heather gets in the front with him, again. That always happens. I always get stuck in the back. As though I'm a child. The next thing I need to add to my list of crapness is if they start making out. I place my earphones back in and play Fearless Vampire Killers for the whole drive.

Once we arrive there I open the door but Heather pushes me back in.

"I'll get you some clothes, okay?"

Then the shuffles off into the darkness. It's silence in the car.

"Thanks for coming down, Al," I mumble. He spins around to face me.

"What's wrong, Coop?" he asks, a curl falling on his forehead.

"Nothing," I mutter, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I've known you since we were in dipers. There's something wrong," he presses on.

"Nothing," I repeat, gritting my teeth together.

"Cooooopppppeeeerrrr," he drawls out my name in a whine.

"Just drop it, Alex," I snap. Just in time, Heather waddles back and hands me the bag.

"Fabulous," I mutter to myself, getting out and slamming the car door after me.

"Bit dramatic," Heather comments to Alex, presuming I couldn't hear. Oh yeah, I'm totally fucking dramatic. A guy deserves to have a dramatic time, o-fucking-kay? Girls have to have that time once a month. It's called PMSing. Maybe guys can PMS. I'm having a man period. A meriod. That's it.

I storm into to guest bathrooms and put on my Callie gear and putting on slight makeup - in case they recognise me as Cooper. With the hair, I look more like my twin. They better live with it.

Making my way up to the dorm, I get pulled aside. I yelp in shock at the hand around my wrist.

"Rape!" I screech, lashing out with flailing hands.

"Ow ow ow ow ow!" someone yells back. I stop and squint at them.

"Nate? Why did you grab me! I was about to kill you!" I hiss.

"Yeah. I kinda noticed that," he rubs at the areas of which I whacked him. "I wanted to apologise."

"And you couldn't have done that when it's bright and I'm not jumpy?" I snarl at him in fury.

He pulls a sympathetic face, "PMSing? It's okay. I have a sister, I get it," he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a Reeses chocolate bar, "here. You probably need it more than I do."

I snatch it off of him, "I am taking this purely for the shock of you grabbing me, okay?"

"Whatever you say, Callie," he muses the name.

"So you were apologizing?" I remind him, opening the bar.

"Yeah, I feel like a dick and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have sprayed you," he pulls a cheeky grin, "you just looked so cute in those shorts."

My eyes grow wide, my lips poised around the chocolate. Oh god. Please no.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go on -"

I cut him off, "wow, is that the time? I really must be going. Nice seeing you, Nate!" I run off as fast as these pumps would let me. By the time I reach my dorm, I never thought I'd welcome it. Never thought I'd feel safe.

"Woe, who saw a ghost?" Mia comments from her bed. I lift my gaze and see Snow. Standing there. Staring at me.

Oh God. I squeeze my eyes shut and await the punch.

*

I uploaded. Woohoo.

This chapter was... well... I'm not sure what it was. I got angry halfway through it and Cooper got angry. Sorry Cooper. My bad.

Picture is of Callie. I didn't know who else to use and Jennifer Lawrence kinda looked like what I was aiming for. Yes, that is Katniss from The Hunger Games. *lady crush lady crush* Her and Emma Stone should get intimate with me ;D Oh god. That escalated quickly.

Fearless Vampire Killers >>> look at them. You have not lived.

Thank you for reading and have a nice time of day it is ^_________^ <3