Peter Parker Imagines

Maybe One Day

Since that day, you've had this hole in you. Some days you forgot about it, and other times, it was you. Peter was your other half, your best friend since he moved to live with Aunt May.

So when the phone rang and when it was Tony Stark, and all you heard was the words "I'm sorry", you went numb.

Numb from the shock of the news, numb as you guided Aunt May to the couch, numb as you consoled her, trying to get her to calm down. Numb, as it's so hard to console a death that you too are grieving at once. You were not numb enough to make the decision, no matter the consequences, that you had to be the strong one for her, for you.

Numb, the entire night on the couch with Aunt May, numb, the next day with the TV playing its cartoon in the background, it was there but it was a blur. You were there but you were not present. At night, you made the mistake of going to Peter's room by accident, thankfully long after Aunt May was asleep.

Thankful, so she didn't have to hear the screams and the cries, as the guilt washed in, as you were the one who distracted with Ned, so Peter could leave the trip. Ned, another person you had to be strong for.

As the days past, you got weaker and weaker, and better and better at acting. Tony called a week later, seeing how you were. Tony, another person you had to be strong for.

You told him you were good, that you were there for him. But the issue was you had gotten to used to acting, to pretending, your emotion just wasn't there. Lucky for you, no one noticed till a month later.

A month later, Tony called again. He was getting help, but you so told yourself "you still have to be strong". However, Tony when he was speaking to you, didn't hear you, he heard a empty vessel of a person, reading a practiced speech.

He started calling every day, then twice a day, just trying to get an emotion, happy, sad, even hatred. Something at this point was better than nothing. Some emotion should be expected when a child has to deal with death.

But no, you were far to gone, the hole to deep, and you were numb. Days you saw the pictures of Peter, or at least registered them, resulted in no homework done and no sleep.

Those were the days that you broke down again and again, pushing yourself away from recovery. And if someone, especially Tony or Aunt May, happened to check on you, you had to be strong, you had to pretend to be strong. Because what else could you do but stay strong?

Today was different. Today you were helping Aunt May find her wallet. Today, you saw three pictures of Peter. You could barely handle one. And special pictures were a nightmare. There was one of baby Peter and his parents, Peter the first day of school, and Peter and you, the day you met.

Today, fate had decided that you couldn't hold this facade of being strong anymore. Those pictures broke you, and as Aunt May let in Tony, who fate decided was going to be there, they both were greeted with sounds one should never hear. Sounds one, especially you, should not experience, day after day. As sounds are a small representation of emotions.

They heard the scream of anguish, mourning, and guilt, that you hadn't allowed yourself properly to experience. They heard two months of it, all at once, as that was how long it has been since he died.

They didn't understand why you would try and be strong. They were the adults and you were the child. You were a stupid child who decided to be strong for a community missing Peter Parker and Spider-Man, who had decided that you should do that, as you let him leave the trip.

Maybe one day, maybe one day you'll see that you don't have to be strong for anyone. You don't have to be strong for yourself, and it's okay to sit back and be a child for once, and to get help. Maybe one day, you will know how to deal with the hole in you. It won't ever be gone, but maybe you can learn to live with it again. Maybe one day.