The Feelings (The Series #2)

Chapter 16

Proud — Chapter 16

Mixed emotions. 'Yung tipong nasasaktan ako para sa kanya, but at the same time, natutuwa nang kaunti? Bakit? Hindi ko lang sigurado... I actually felt glad when I heard Lauren broke up with Ezekiel.

May pag-asa na ba ako sa crush ko?

All I did that afternoon, was comfort him. I don't know if it helped, but that's the least I could do. Sinabi ko rin sa kanya na pwede ko namang kausapin ang pinsan ko para mag-usap din sila tungkol sa nangyari. But he just declined.

"I want to move on quickly, Xav," he said.

"Hindi naman 'yon madali," I replied. "You told me you love her, right? You still love her now. And I'm sure it's hard to just move on that quickly."

Suminghap naman siya. "I know. Pero gusto ko talaga, Xavierre, eh." He was staring at me very attentively. "To get things over with. Ayoko namang umikot ang mundo ko sa kanya."

"But you still love her?" I asked. It stung straight to my chest, and directly to my heart.

"Well, yeah, but I'm trying to love her platonically," sabi niya. Isa nga talaga siya sa mga example na isang civilized person.

I pressed my lips. "Bakit nga ba kayo nag-break?" tanong ko muli.

He shrugged. "I don't know. To summarize, she just told me that it's over between us."

"Without any valid reason?" He shook his head.

My lips stayed parted. Ano bang pumasok sa kukote ni Ate Lauren para makipag-break sa kanya? Kapag ako lang ang girlfriend nito, hinding-hindi ko na talaga siya papakawalan. I'll build high walls that'll surround him if I must in order to keep him. Really. Ezekiel's a keeper! This kind of guy should be kept at all costs.

We quietly stayed seated on our spots.

Gusto ko pa siyang kausapin. Pero nang dahil sa topic na 'yon, parang ang hirap i-approach si Ezekiel ngayon. He made the vibe sad and hurting. For him, and I guess for me (kasi naman crush ko siya, 'tas makikita ko siyang malungkot).

But I don't want him to feel just that.

"Will you..." I trailed. Then I looked at him with intervening eyes. He also looked at me. I was still in process of what I'm going to say. Kung seryoso ang pag-uusapan namin ni Ezekiel, dapat i-maintain ko 'yun. I don't want to make this whole thing out of a joke. "Will you find another person for you? That... quickly?" I asked.

"What, Xavierre?" he said while lightly chuckling.

"Makakahanap ka ba agad ng mas pa kay Lauren?" paglilinaw ko.

He smiled. "Whatever it takes... yes." He was still looking at me! Eyeing me intently! Why is he like this? "If I knew her fully, then I can give it a shot." Then there's this slice of hope that was given to me. My heart keeps on beating.

* * *

From what happened yesterday... it kept replaying in my head.

Parang akong estatwa na nakatingin lang sa kawalan habang gumagawa ng mga bagay para sa araw na 'to.

Zac noticed it though. But I didn't reply to his whines about my actions.

Ilang oras na ba ang dumaan? Hindi pa rin mawala sa isipan ko na... break na nga talaga sina Ate Lauren at Ezekiel. Sumigla at nalungkot ang puso ko para sa kanilang dalawa.

Ah, ewan.

I am really having such mixed emotions. Hindi ko maintindihan. Kung masaya ako nang kaunti sa pag-break nila, ibig sabihin ba no'n na pwede na ako magkaroon ng pag-asa kay Ezekiel?