The Feelings (The Series #2)

Chapter 22

Want — Chapter 22

Napa-iling na lamang ako. Hindi ko na muna binigyang pansin ang mga sinabi ng mga babaeng 'yon tungkol kina Quincy at Ares. Pakielam ko naman, diba?

Mas pinili ko pa ring sundin si Phineas. I don't want to make the same mistake I did before—not giving him much attention. He's my cousin. He's my family. My attention must rely on him first.

"Phineas, sandali!"

I pulled his arm para hindi na siya makalayo pa. Pero mabilisan niyang napiglas ang pagkahila ko sa braso niya. He's wearing a glare directed to me.

"Ano ba kasi, Xavierre?" he said sounding all irritated.

"Ano ba kasing nangyayari? Ba't ka nila sinasabihan ng ganon?" I asked in a concerned tone. "Are you being bullied, Phineas?" I speculated.

He scoffed. "I just told you not to meddle! Please, layuan mo na muna ako..." He started walking away again. But I immediately go after him.

I grabbed his arm once again. "I'm not meddling, Phineas. Concerned ako. Pinsan kita. Pamilya kita. Kaya may karapatan akong makielam sa buhay mo," I said seriously.

Inirapan niya naman ako. "You can't just walk in to my life's problems whenever you want. Kailangan pa rin ng may permiso ko."

"Stop being like this—"

"Then stop meddling if you don't want me seeing like this!" he cut me off.

My eyes softented. "Phineas naman..." I uttered. "You don't have to act like this. Nandito pa naman ako, e. Hindi ka naman nag-iisa."

I saw how he gritted his teeth. Parang pinipigilan niya ang urge na makapag-salita ng kung ano. "You don't know how I feel, Xav! Hindi mo alam! Siguro nasasabi mo 'yan dahil maayos ka ngayon. E, ako? Paano ako?" He pointed his chest as he was blaming himself for what is happening. "My sister who's with me does nothing but trouble. My Dad who's been an asshole for all these years. And... My Mom who never showed up in a month and I don't know what reason."

"Phineas—"

"Alam mo ba kung bakit hindi pa umuuwi si Mommy?" he suddenly asked.

I was dumbfounded. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko bang sagutin ang tanong. Maybe, I can but I can't.

"I..." I trailed. I immediately bit my lower lip just to stop myself from talking.

I heard him scoff.

"Maybe you knew... But how come you can't tell me?"

"H-hindi ko rin naman alam," I lied.

He smiled. "Thanks for answering. Just so you know, I've been receiving different kinds of pain already. At hindi mo pa rin kayang sabihin sa akin ang nangyayari? Sabihin mo na, Xavierre. Para sagaran na ang sakit."

"If you're pained, just tell me so I'll help you! 'Wag mo lang kimkimin! This will lead you to depression, Phineas!" I shot back. I don't want him looking hurt. I don't want him to feel weak. I want him to be strong.

"Edi simulan mong sabihin sa akin kung nasaan nga ba talaga si Mommy! That's a step of helping me recover my depression," he demanded. "I just need my mother, Xav. I need her. She's the only strength I can lean on to."

I tried to stop the tears from pooling. I shut my eyes not to look at him. Umiling ako. "I just... can't," my pained answer.

He smiled once more. "Then start watching me bleed, Xavierre."

* * *

Phineas' words kept on bothering me.

What is really happening to him? Kung alam ko lang talaga kung anong problema niya, magagawan ko pa iyon ng paraan. Kaso hindi e... Ayaw niyang sabihin. Pero kahit ayaw niya man na sabihin sa amin, mananatili pa rin ako sa tabi niya.