The Feelings (The Series #2)

Chapter 38

Keep up — Chapter 38

I was right there... I was there when I witnessed Ares kissing Blanche on her forehead. He really do loves her. No denying in that. He really loved her. He really loved his cousin.

It was our Junior and Senior promenade night. We were already the seniors... We were already in Grade 12... And after this school year, we'll part ways already. It's breaking, but we need to endure it.

Years had passed, and I thought I was sure with my decision breaking up with him. Turns out, it's not. I still loved him. We were already freaking eighteen... And I loved him when I was fifteen... But fuck the ages. I still love him right now.

He just... totally hurt me. Hurt me to my roots, which I cannot hold on to anymore. Our family was hurt. I was hurt by his doing. And it's fucking bad. I don't want that. I don't want that for him—for us.

I saw Blanche and Ares' glances on me. I avoided them. It was awkward. I know Blanche knew about me liking him before... But fortunately, she didn't knew about us. Ang alam niya lang ay may crush ako kay Ares.

After breaking up with Ares, it's like a living hell. We still got to meet every day. Hindi na namin maiiwasan 'yon. That's the problem of having a relationship with your friends—once it didn't work, it's fucked up.

Of course, at first, Ares didn't accepted my break-up proposal. Sinuyo niya ako araw-araw—muntikan na nga kaming mahuli dahil panay ang sorry niya sa akin noon. I fucking got angry with him, and walked-out.

"Xavierre, please," he begged, when we're already from our classroom. I don't know where my feet had taken me, but it's the most secluded area in this school.

"Ilang beses ko na ba'ng uulitin 'to?" I spat. "Ayoko na nga, Ares. Kung nagawa mo saktan ng ganun ang pinsan ko, magagawa mo rin sa akin!" I fumed with gritted teeth. I was breathing heavily. I just can't see him this... hurt. It wasn't him. I didn't know he had this side. I didn't know he could be hurt like this so bad.

"That's why... I'm sorry. I fucked up, okay? I messed up. I shouldn't have done that," he admitted for the nth time. He wasn't giving up on blaming himself. But I still don't accepted it. For fuck's sake. My cousin died. He killed himself. And Ares was—indirectly—part of the letter. He had done something to make my cousin be torn into pieces. "Just give me a chance to prove myself that I won't hurt you ever again," he said seriously.

"No, is still a no." I faced him with eagerness in my eyes. What's done is done. Once my family got hurt, I won't slip that away that easily. "I don't want to hear your promises. I don't want to hear it from you again. You've done something, you were sorry, and okay... You're forgiven. But that doesn't change my mind. What you did was totally fucked up. Ayokong palampasin iyon. You won't grant the consequences if we're together again. Mas mabuti na ito... Para wala nang masasaktan ulit." I move a step back, to avoid him. To get away from him. To stop this bullshit. It must be done. "So, fuck off, Ares... Ayoko na."

I saw how his jaw clenched, and his eyes piercing with anger and darkness. "Fuck off? After all we've been through? That's it? We'll just fuck it off... We ain't going to fight," he said angrily. He scoffed. Napa-iling siya. He's mad. And everything really get fucked up when he's mad. "Fine. If you want that, fine. I won't waste my time on asking forgiveness from you again. Because I'm fucking done. I'm fucking tired. You don't want me anymore? Okay! Fine by me. 'Wag na nating ayusin 'to. 'Wag na 'wag mo na akong papansinin. Don't expect that I'll act friendly on you—because I promise you that I will really be dead ice cold. After this... We're not friends anymore. Okay, Xavierre? You're afraid of committing. You're afraid of risking again. And okay, I get that. You don't trust me enough. Mas mabuting 'wag na natin ituloy ang nasimulan. I'll just fuck off."