I Can't Fight This Feeling - Jeffrey Dean Morgan Fanfic 18+

Chapter 4 - Almost

Chapter 4 – Almost.

Later that Night;

Jeffrey Dean Morgan...

On our way home; we had stopped to grab a pizza and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Although; she hasn't eaten much, but that was her, she had never been a big eater; especially through high school. Ben had told me that in junior high; she had been a big girl and had been teased and bullied relentlessly.

We have spent the night; revisiting the numerous memories we had with Ben, we had laughed, cried and got angry. Don't get me wrong; Ben is my best friend, and I love him as a brother; but my God, he could be so infuriating at times. Even Emily agreed with me on that one.

It had been exactly what I needed and it was the most appropriate way to say goodbye to my best friend. If I am to be completely honest; I had been worried about what I was going to do after the funeral and the wake. I hadn't expected to spend so much time at the graveside though.

The minute that we got into the house; Emily had hurried off upstairs. I hadn't known what she was doing, so I just got the pizza box open, the plates and glasses with the bottle of cola. When she eventually came back downstairs; she had changed into a pair of sweats and an over sized Harvard t-shirt that I knew had been Ben's. Having washed her make up off she also had her hair tied back in a messy bun. I had always known that she was pretty; she would have had to be, considering whom her mother was, however seeing her in that moment – I was struck by just how beautiful she was.

Why had I thought that, in that moment? I figured it was down to the lighting; I had been blinded by how much she really looked like Grace; she could have been her mothers twin, not her daughter. In fact, for a split second I had actually thought that it was Grace.

I felt horrible for looking at her in that manner. It just wasn't right; I mean I had held her in my arms when she was a few hours old, I can't.... I shouldn't be thinking that.

Watching her as she flopped into what had been her dad's favourite chair. Folding her legs up on to the seat – she looked vulnerable and she looked completely lost.

Reaching for a slice of pizza; she caught me looking at her and the red stain of embarrassment crept up her cheeks and, in an attempt, to not embarrass her even more; my own eyes darted down to the pizza before I even thought about it; I helped myself to a slice.

"It feels empty in here now, doesn't it?" she asked me.

"It definitely does," I nodded, "it's weird but I never noticed how much of a presence he had and how much space it took up in here,"

It was true – Ben had been this force to be reckoned with. It's part of what made him a good lawyer; every single time he walked into a room; he just demanded the attention of every single person. It's hard to explain what I meant; because unless you had met Ben, you had no idea what being around him was like.

"He really did," she smiled but it wasn't a real smile – it didn't reach her eyes; the way it always did.

Resting back on the sofa; both Emily and I sunk into our own thoughts, my own taking me to the moment we had found out that he was gone...

'Brushing my teeth; I feel completely defeated by what we were told this afternoon. After all Ben has been through – this is the knock-out blow, I am more than sure of it. The cancer was back, in a much more aggressive manner, but he also has pneumonia. The doctor informed us that they believed the pneumonia would take him before the cancer managed to.