I Can't Fight This Feeling - Jeffrey Dean Morgan Fanfic 18+

Chapter 34 - Make-Up

Chapter 34 ~ Make Up.

Meanwhile, Upstairs;

Emily Sanders...

'You can't run away for ever, but there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start, you want to shut out the night, you want to shut down the sun, you want to shut away the pieces of a broken heart, think of how we'd lay down together; we'd be listening to the radio, so loud and so strong, every golden nugget coming like a gift from the Gods, someone must have blessed us when he gave us those songs,

'I treasure your love, I never want to lose it, you've been through the fires of hell, and I know you've got the ashes to prove it, I treasure your love, I want to show you how to use it, you've been through a lot of pain in the dirt, and I know you've got the scars to prove it,

'Remember everything that I told you? and I'm telling you again that it's true...'

Fucking song had the tears falling from my eyes, which were for more reasons than one; my dad had been a huge Meatloaf fan, he once said that it was the theatrics of the music that he liked the most. I also knew that they were falling because; my emotions were frayed and I didn't know how, or if ever, I would get them under control. It had almost become some weird sort of ritual for me ~ I spend the day helping Paige beginning planning her wedding, then I would eat with her and Charlie, then I would head up to bed, where I can put my laptop on and keep an eye on things at the club, and I would cry, every night, almost like clockwork, which scared me a little bit.

Is this my life now? Is it all that I have to look forward too?

All I want is to be in Jeffrey's arms again; to hear him tell me that he 'choses' me ~ that it is me that he loves. I had gone against all of my instincts and I had fallen for this man so much more than I had thought was even possible. My heart feels like it has turned to stone in my chest. Is this feeling normal?

All I do know, is that I love Jeffrey, far more that I had ever admitted to anyone, myself included.

As if the torture wasn't enough; it was amped up whenever I closed my eyes ~ they would play memories out; like on a constant loop....Jeffrey and I laughing our asses off while we watched my favourite movie, White Chicks, Jeffrey shielding me from the majority of The Exorcist movie. I love laughing with him; the sound of his laugh; made my entire body buzz with happiness. I love how safe he makes me feel, and, I love that we can sit and talk about my dad. There was this certainty of just sitting in silence with him ~ like, I felt like I was right where I belonged.

Fuck! I wish my dad was still here. Although; if he was here ~ there would be no way he would tolerate the relationship between Jeffrey and I; let alone talk about it. I just don't understand why my head is intent on torturing me, by refusing to end the memories from playing, over and over again.

I had come up to bed earlier tonight to give Paige and Charlie some alone time, they needed it; plus ~ I have no desire to play the 3rd wheel, more than I truly have too.

My head began to sink into the plush pillow that wouldn't be out of place in the likes of those top end chain hotels. The music continued to pump into my head by way of the headphones ~ I didn't want to annoy my friends with my music while they had informed me that they were having a movie night marathon.

What was Jeffrey doing right now? Was he thinking about me?

I desperately want to see him; the minute that I thought about seeing him; the words Lizzy had spat at me, entered my head ~ every time it was like another stab to my heart and a punch to the gut. I am not stupid, I know that it is only a matter of time before he finds me here ~ but first, I need to think about what I want to say to him.