I Can't Fight This Feeling - Jeffrey Dean Morgan Fanfic 18+

Chapter 11 - Forgive Me?

Chapter 11 – Forgive Me?

The Following Afternoon;

Paige Morgan...

Waking up this afternoon to find that Emily had gone home – she had said last night that she had to go down to the building site today so I figured that is where she is and I'd catch up with her later. Last night had been about letting her cut loose for a little bit; to give her the chance to get her mind off her dad just for a few hours. I do hope that she had enjoyed herself.

My mind kept slipping back to my ex-boyfriend Ryan. I had told him that we simply were not getting into our history in the middle of a nightclub. As I had known he would; he had tried to insist that we do actually talk there. I had felt Charlie getting antsy at my side but in support of me; as he always did, he allowed me to handle it in my way. I had to admit that knowing Charlie had faith in me – was much more of a turn on than I would have thought it could be.

When Ryan had turned up here; I will admit that I was utterly terrified that I would be torn between him and Charlie. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to chose between them, but last night I had come to a very important conclusion...

Yes, Ryan had been my first everything and because of that he would always have a special place in my heart; however, that didn't mean that I have to like him. I do, however, want to get my closure. And by God I am going to get it.

I had told him to come by today but we will see if he comes by. I am guessing that he won't because that would be too much like me giving him orders. If it was one thing that he hated more than anything else, it was when people told him what to do in his personal life.

The thing is – if he really wants to do this; he will do it when I say, because he doesn't get to control anything in my life anymore. I am not 'the fall at his feet, running after him, girl!' anymore and the sooner he learns that the easier it will be for all of us.

I am who I am now mostly due to Charlie and the way he has just built me up. My boyfriend has never once made me feel like I am his last priority and he certainly has never made me beg for attention, and he always makes sure that he tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. I know that makes him sound like he's whipped but trust me – Charlie, also never finds it hard to say no to me or pull me in if I go off in a tangent, which I can be known for; I am extremely passionate about the things I believe and I am loyal to my friends and family to a fault.

Thinking back on it – that was something about me that Ryan had never truly got or understood; that I am so passionate and loyal.

Its funny to me how before I even met Charlie, I used to romanticize my relationship with Ryan, I made excuses for the way that he treated me, I made excuses for his attitude – not good excuses but excuses none the less. Now I just feel dirty and ashamed by how deluded I had become in his absence. I thought that I was in love, and like every teenager before and after me – I had known jack-shit.

Looking back on the entire relationship with eyes that now, know what love it – I, honestly can't believe I had ever thought that what Ryan and I had shared was love. It had been nothing more than a physical attraction.

Pouring boiling water over the coffee granules – Dad had text me that he was going to be out most of the afternoon running errands. I took advantage of the free time to just lounge around for a little bit. I had just gotten myself comfortable on the sofa to catch up one the drama of this weeks; Grey's Anatomy.

Of course, sods law – you get time to yourself, get comfortable and someone shatters that peace by ringing the damn doorbell. Grumping about whoever is there at the door and how it better not be someone trying to sell me something. Moving to the door – my coffee in hand, I am in no way surprised to find Ryan on the step, hands stuffed in his pockets. I am instantly fuming with myself when I think of how handsome he looks. All it proves to me is that I was right in thinking all we had ever had was attraction.