I Can't Fight This Feeling - Jeffrey Dean Morgan Fanfic 18+

Chapter 32 ~ Doubt

Chapter 32 - Doubt.

Emily Sanders...

'Now you listen to me little girl....you may have turned my husband's head momentarily but ultimately, in the long run; you know that your self entitled ass won't be enough to keep him satisfied. Jeffrey is a very particular man; and you, you can never become what he really wants or needs.

'You think that you can bully me out of the way; but sweetheart, you have to know that what he and I share ~ far outweighs, what you have with him. All you are is a silly little girl, trying to play in the grown~up's world. What you can't seem to understand is that you are never going to get rid of me; Jeffrey and I have 2 children together which means ~ I am always going to be on your shoulder reminding you of what Jeffrey and I share, and how he will always take my side over you.

'Sweetheart, you really should just walk away now and let him come back to his family where he truly belongs. You can't make him happy, you are only hurting his career by fighting for this ridiculous charade of a relationship. There is no way in this world, or any other, that he can love you the way that he loves me. You have had everything you own handed to you on a silver platter, while he has scratched and clawed his way to everything that he has ~ what can you possibly have in common with him?

'At the very most, you are a novelty passtime ~ Jeffrey was in love with your mother for a very long time; hell, he is probably still in love with her; and because you look so much like her; you have to know that every time he is fucking you, kissing you, talks to you ~ it is her that he sees.

'You are nothing more than a passing phase to him!'

Lizzy's words had stung me, and ignited a very strong wave of doubt ~ what am I meant to do? Who can I turn to, to talk to about this?

Was she right? Am I just a play toy to him? Does he really see my mother every time he is with me? Am I second best? Am I in competition with my mother without even knowing it?

Was Jeffrey really using me as a distraction?

I don't want to even think about Jeffrey being that cruel; the pedastal I had him on for so many years; I want to keep him up there, far away from that little witch of an ex~wife.

I mean I am not stupid enough to have ignored the fact that she is always going to be a part of our lives; I mean she is right, she has that connection with him that I can't even begin to understand and I certainly cannot compete with it; maybe I should walk away from him and let him have his family all back together.

What if I am damaging his career? ~ there is just one problem; I can't walk away from him and I know that makes me a super selfish bitch.

Pulling my car on to the hard shoulder, flinging my door open just in time, as the entire contents of my stomach flew out of my mouth violently. My tears now coming thicker and faster that I could hardly catch my breath. I am so angry at myself for letting her get in my head as she had.

Since Jeffrey and I had gotten together ~ I felt that everything was going to work out all right but now, well, now I feel like everything is falling apart. I am scared; I truly thought that I had found the love of my life and we'd always be together ~ I never thought about the impact that I was having on his reputation; when had I become so selfish?!

Normally, if I was having a tough time with a guy; I would call Paige and we'd hang out and talk everything through until I knew what I had to do. I don't have that anymore ~ my best friend hates me! I had bet everything that I had on Jeffrey and I ~ and I had lost, big time.

Lighting a cigarette ~ I silently ordered myself to stop crying, I grabbed a tissue from the glove compartment and wiped away the self pity that had been falling down my face. It's time for the pity party to end!