In My Skin ( Completed)

Chapter 20

Destiny~

I got out the hospital the day after. I'm still really broken my life just seem to go down hill. Justice picked me up and took me home. The pictures , the smell it all remembered me of auntie . I looked at my arms they had band-aids up there. My doctor recommend me to a phycologists . doubt it if i would go ...

I went up to my room and took off my shoes and cried. Laying on my bed my life flashed before me . The days and night i sat by my sisters bed and cried cause i hated myself , the nights i cried for God to help me. Now I'm 17 and broken ....

Justice came in and hugged me tightly , As he let me cry on his chest. My mind went back to this lady who told me i would preach. I thought she was crazy , i don't like even speaking in front of people. but once I'm on my zone i can do it

Her words traveled through my mind.. eating at me as i cried even more. I got up and went back to my drawer where i kept my razor . I was about to go into the bathroom until Justice stopped me. I needed him to move I'm a nobody how could i ever ?

He took the razor from me and placed on the dresser. I looked at him then where the razor sat. He just hugged me i wanted to fight him off but i couldn't. Memories of us together crossed my mind

( backflash)

"Hi " i say

" Hi " justice says

"wats up" I say

"Chillin Layin down hbu" he says

"wit the fam . Guess wat?" I say

" What " justice says

" im stayin here" I say

"Ayee ok lmaoo" he says laughing

"i miss you " I say

"i miss you too " Justice says

I was suppose to go back to Florida but i stay in new York cause i liked him so much. Plus not to long ago we had an disagreement he got mad but i was laughing at him but don't tell him that please.

I used to day dream about me and him together. Like once i was day dream i dreamed up i was old enough to drive but i was 14 . I drove to his house and we had went to the beach . It was so fun.

I let him go and went into my closet and got me a notebook. i wrote cause when i write I'm at peace with myself

A/N : Please do not copyright my stuff this is all very personal. Just wanted to put it out there whatever i write its my own i didn't steal it . it was very personal for me so please respect this is my writing and don't copyright it for your own. If you choose to please give credit where it is due.

Look through my eyes

i am not who i want to be

why cant anyone hear me ?

I feel like no one cares to hear me

My life is like the sea

back and forth

Why cant this storm just be still?

deep , deep

i am in a dark cave

searching , searching

Screaming please help me

How can two walk together unless they agree ?

But God why is this happening to me ?

This just cant be

cant all these people see i am not ready

I start to cry cause I'm so hurt. I lost my best friend , I'm scared of my boyfriend. Everything happen that shouldn't of happen to me. This just cant be ... i run my hand through my wavy hair . Good thing Justice is downstairs i turn on Seyven Streeter B.A.N.S up really loud.

I start throwing everything. my clothes are all over the floor , I'm sitting in the corner crying and screaming . Banging on the walls with my room door locked. I looked at the cuts on my arms as i see Layla name then Devon name. I heard she got an abortion by Devon cause he said the baby wasn't his.

I cried for her i felt so bad i could've of been there but she pushed me away. If you don't wanna mess with me that's fine ill fall back real quick. I took my book and threw it then i heard my phone vibrate

I got up and went to pick up my phone. I looked at my screen it was Layla facetiming me. I wiped my tears fast and sat on my bed. Then answered it

" hello " I say

"oh hi " Layla says

" ....... " I say not saying anything

"I want to apologize to you. I'm sorry for everything " Layla says

"its okay " I say

" i wanted to know would you please be my friend again ? " Layla says

"No Layla i have my best friend. what you did was wrong you laughed at me being hurt cause your little nigga wants to play me. " I say

" I'm " Layla says

"i have to go " I say interupping her

click

More thoughts came to me everything i went through. When i was six i used to cry wishing my father would come back but i don't know him. He was there for my sisters and in their lives . Everything is to much i cried and cried sitting on the edge of my bed . I played with hair messing it , wiping my tears. Pulling myself together my life is a mess

I had to clean up some of my mess. i took of my clothes and put some blue boxers , and a t shirt. Justice was watching tv downstairs i went and laid my head on his lap . Then i grabbed his hands and played with them

"i love you " I say

He looked me like i had two heads. I ignored the smirk he made and gave him a kiss. He kissed back , i don't know what was it but it felt so good. His lips were so soft like a cloud. He broke the kiss and stared into my eyes. I am in love with Justice but i don't care either. So many people don't understand what love is all about

I laid my head back down and my thoughts were full of the future. if i have to preach ill do it afraid but i don't want them to see me , see God. i don't want his glory cause if i get it i might get prideful. And i don't want that