The Entanglement {Book 1}

Chapter 31: The Sacred

{Sabine pronounced SAA-BEAN} {Danu pronounced DAA-NEW} {Ayleith pronounced AYE-LEAF}

I retreated to the one place I knew would be safe for me, the garden. I sat on the fountain ledge and breathed steady breaths. Why did I say that? I had gotten myself so worked up that I said the one thing that I knew I shouldn't have. Damien deserved to know the outcome of our child but not like that. 

Not in a shouting match while his brother overhears. I basically just shouted the worst news possible. I wanted to bury my head in the sand and never return. I heard the sound of shuffling and looked up to see Jace come into the garden and sit on the edge with me. For a moment we both said nothing. The silence was nice right now. Jace turned to look at me briefly and then stared out into the horizon.

"I remember when Alina lost our child," he announces. I look over at him, but he is still fixated on the horizon.

"It felt like everything around me was closing in and I just couldn't get a single breath. Losing our child broke Alina, but it broke me too. I just couldn't break down around her because she needed me. So I know what's it like to pretend to fine and happy on the outside but be wrecked with pain on the inside."

Now that he mentions it, he never did get the chance to grieve. He spent most of the time sheltering his shell shocked wife and getting her back to normal. Not once did he complain or give up on her but he also didn't get the chance to weep for that loss. Alina was not the only person who lost something. I swallowed and looked down at my hands.

I had ten long years to grieve the loss of my child. I cried for days on in from it. I felt so hopeless and utterly alone. I had no trace of my lover anymore, and I had no clue if I would ever see him again. It still pains me to this day. All the what if's go rapid in my mind. If the child was a boy or girl.

If the child would grow up here in the castle with all the love from its family. If I would experience the wonders of childbirth. If Damien would ever see his child. How different would our lives be if instead of returning alone, I arrived with an eight-year-old son or daughter? Jace continues,

"The only thing that kept me going is the hope that the gods would bless us with this chance again. The gods are always watching, that I do know. And I have to keep the faith that they would want me and Alina to keep going. To keep the child in our hearts and to keep trying. I know that you and Damien will be blessed with another child. I just know it." he assures when finally looking at me. I look at him,

"How can you hold on to faith in such grim times? What if I don't have any more hope or faith left?" I mummer while looking into his eyes. He gives me a weak smile and grabs my hand,

"Then I'll keep the faith for you. Until you and him are ready to have hope and faith again." I smile and embrace him. Through it all, he has still remained one of my closest friends until the end. But the thoughts in my mind went back to the comment about Damien and me having a child in the future. That seems like such a faint dream. With all the words that were spoken between us, I doubt he'll even look at me. I laid my head on his shoulder,

"I don't think Damien and I are going to have any future children. I think he gave up on loving me." I admit with a heavy heart. I felt tears pricking behind my eyes. Jace lifts my chin up so that I could look him directly in the eyes

"Despite all the crap Damien that talks about, he is in complete and utter love with you. He's just hurting from being away from you. And unfortunately, it hasn't been the first time that he has had to be. He knew you wouldn't choose him over your brother, he just...he was just so terrified about losing you for good that Damien did what he does best."