Misery Loves Company

Track 45: Lay Your Cards Down

Misery Loves Company

By: theinkslingerr

Track 45: Lay Your Cards Down

I didn't know much about cards, but wasn't the general rule of thumb never to let your opponent see your hand— unless it was part of some twisted strategy?

Rocco and I weren't opponents, but the idea of letting him in completely terrified me, because I didn't know what his cards were.

Well, maybe I knew one or two.

He'd told me he liked me and he'd told me he wanted to see me after Misery Loves Company was over.

Two things that should've inspired confidence had triggered a flurry of unanswered questions and what-ifs. Did wanting to "see me" after the show mean catching up and canoodling in the Range Rover between tour dates? Or was it the classic "I like you, but not enough to give you a title" situation most people found themselves in?

Rocco couldn't possibly want what our generation feared...

Right?

The dreaded L word— but not the one you have in mind.

Labels.

My thoughts sent me into a tailspin, and I was actually more anxious by the time Sienna and I were leaving Ji-Hyun's apartment. Eli noticed.

"Hey," he said.

I turned to see him still holding open the front door while Ji-Hyun went into her room to admire her new vanity for the fiftieth time.

"Yeah?"

Sienna looked between us and volunteered to wait in the car even though she knew everything at this point. When the sounds of her footsteps on the staircase faded away, Eli fixed me with those meaningful brown eyes of his and continued. "When will you and Rocco quit dancing?"

Both of my eyebrows rose as I inched closer. "Uh...when our guilty feet have got no rhythm?" Cue the sax. "I don't know, Eli. What're you talking about?"

"You're pulling and pushing each other away."

I faltered. It was something I already knew, but hearing someone else point it out put it under a glaring spotlight.

Rocco and I were different, but also the same. That's why sometimes it felt like every step forward was followed by two steps back. I wanted to get closer to him, but by hiding that Enid was blackmailing me with a photo of us, I was pushing him away. And he seemed to be doing the same thing with his past.

I looked down, my attempt at humor fading. I was frustrated with everything and everyone, myself included.

"I don't know what to do," I said for the millionth time. "How do I stop pushing when it's all I've ever done?"

Eli put a hand on my shoulder and I glanced up at him. "Don't think about it and just lay your cards down, Misery."

A small smile graced his face, and I tried my best to return it, but failed. To my surprise, his hand slid up and tugged lightly on one of my braids. I couldn't help but smile then. It reminded me of something a big brother might do.