Key to a Caged Heart

Doubt

Eren spun a pen between his fingers, his eyes lazily scanning over his class notes. There was a test in his psychology class tomorrow that he was attempting to study for. It's always hard to study for subjects he has little interest in.

When he signed up for his fall semester classes, psychology sounded interesting. He wanted to learn about human behavior and the studies that have been done. His professor did mention experimental findings when they were relevant to what they were learning, but most of the class was spent learning the different parts of the brain and what their function was. It's not as interesting as Eren thought it would be. Looks like he could cross psychology off his list of possible majors.

But then again, this was an introductory class, and Eren might enjoy a more focused class, such as social psychology.

Eren didn't scratch psychology off his list. His list of majors was still as long as it was two months ago.

Wanting a break from his studying, which more accurately could be called 'mindlessly reading his notes over and over and hoping some of it sticks,' Eren picked up his phone.

He was about to text Jean, asking where he was and if he wanted to play some video games, but then remembered that Jean was at a meeting for students interested in the astrophysics program. After the meeting, there was a luncheon for students to talk with professors and students in the program. Jean said he wouldn't be back until this evening.

Opening his texts to Armin instead, Eren asked if he wanted to hang out.

With a confirmation message from Armin saying he just returned to campus and can be over in forty-five minutes, Eren bolstered his resolve to keep studying until Armin arrived.

Eren read his notes for approximately six minutes, followed by roughly forty minutes of doodling fire-breathing dragons. As soon as he heard the knocking on his door, he shoved his notes away from him. He'd study later tonight.

"What's up, Armadillo?"

Armin stepped past Eren into the room, casting a judgmental look at Eren as he passed.

"What's with the terrible nickname?

Eren shrugged and shut the door.

"I've been studying. It melted my brain, so you will heretofore be known as Armadillo because it is easier to remember."

Armin, that little sass-master, had the gall to raise his eyebrow at Eren.

"Easier to remember than my name which you've known for years?"

Eren shrugged and hopped onto his bed.

"I've known about armadillos since kindergarten. I met you in first grade."

Armin shook his head, sighed (fondly, Eren might add), and sat beside Eren on his bed.

"How did your project go?"

Eren froze. He quickly ran through a mental list of his classes and the assignments he had in each but couldn't remember being assigned a project.

"...What project?"

"That group project you had for your geology class?"

Eren placed a hand on his chest and gave a dramatic sigh of relief.

"Geez, Armin. That project was due weeks ago. You scared me."

"Oh. I guess you did mention it a while ago. Did your group do well?"

Eren shrugged. "We got an 86. One of the group members didn't do the research he was supposed to and didn't tell us until the last minute when we were writing up the paper."

"Sorry, group projects are tough."

Eren shook his head.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't downplay my suffering like that. Group projects aren't just tough, they're fucking miserable. The only people to say differently are the lazy asses who don't do anything and make group projects hell for everyone else."

Armin chuckled. "I see I've hit a nerve."

Eren leaned back against the wall, realizing he had pressed into Armin's personal space as his righteous indignation overtook him.

"Let's not talk about it anymore. What's new with you?"

Eren racked his brain for some detail he could ask Armin about, but they haven't seen each other in a while and nothing he might remember would be relevant at this point anyway.

"Do you remember Kimi and Aarav?"

"Yeah."

It's been a few weeks since Eren met them, and he probably wouldn't recognize them if he ran into them on campus, but Armin doesn't need to know that. He remembered they are Armin's smarty-pants friends who want to torture themselves with med-school, and that should be sufficient to say 'yes' to Armin's inquiry.

"They invited me to go hiking with them a couple weeks ago, and now we go every Saturday. I never considered that hiking would be something I'd enjoy doing, but it's a lot of fun."

"So that's what you were doing before you came over?"

Armin's text did say he was off-campus.

"Yup."

Speaking slowly, voice tinged with confusion, Eren said, "You don't like hiking."

Armin laughed. "No, I've just never gone hiking before. And now I have, and I really enjoy it. That's what college is all about, trying new things."

That's not what college has been about for Eren. Trying new things sounds nice. Maybe if he wasn't stressed over what to major in, enjoyed his classes so he didn't have to study twice as long to get his brain to focus on the material, and his friends made time to hang out with him, he'd be enjoying college as much as they were.

"Hiking is a good way to socialize and exercise at the same time. Not to mention the view at the top. Depending on where you hike, it's just you and nature for as far as you can see."

With every word out of Armin's mouth, Eren built a clearer image of Armin living in a cabin in the wilderness, speaking for the trees.

"That sounds... nice."

"Yeah, next weekend we're planning to hike..."

Armin's words processed in his brain like the ending credits to a movie, which is to say, he didn't pay attention to them at all.

Eren nodded along at the proper moments, but his mind was elsewhere. He felt like a shitty friend, because Armin was trying to tell him about something he enjoys doing and all Eren could think about was how he felt lonelier listening to Armin talk about hiking with his new friends than he did an hour ago when he was by himself.

Eventually Armin ran out of stories about the campus events he's attended and funny moments from Samantha's weekly D&D campaign. As Armin stood up to leave, he asked if Eren wanted to get dinner together, and Eren declined. He would never tell Armin, but at the moment he'd rather eat a pop tart for dinner alone in his room (which was the plan) than go to the dining hall with Armin and hear more stories about his great college experience.

Recalling a conversation he had with Jean months ago about making new friendships in college, Eren remembered saying it wouldn't affect his choice to attend Stohess if Jean, Marco, and Armin decided not to hang out with him anymore. He meant it, but he never thought they would actually drift apart.

It hurt.

Knowing what would cheer him up, Eren grabbed his phone and dialed Levi's number.

The phone rang. And rang. And rang. And then he was told to leave a voicemail. Eren hung up.

Checking the time, Eren realized that Levi was at The Underground, either on stage or getting ready to perform.

Setting his phone aside, Eren grabbed his textbook. With no one to talk to and nothing better to do, he might as well study.