34 : Antinausea

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Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it, hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it, and life always makes more.

-Pain comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain, the normal pains we live with everyday. Then there is the kind of pain you can't ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else. Makes the rest of the world fade away. Until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. We anesthetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it, and for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it. - Dr. Meredith Grey

A/N : This is the part where I say that life is just so unfair sometimes. That sometimes it pains you even to the point of no where. Ciao sa mga nagbabasa parin kay Xander.
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Antinausea

I feel like I'm freakin' nauseated all the freakin' time. I decided to have myself subjected to a pregnancy test and it was negative. Hindi ko alam kung magiginhawaan ba ako o hindi ngunit may kung ano sa akin na nagsasabing okay na rin na hindi ako buntis. I cannot be a mother just yet. Hindi pa ako handa. But I can see a hint of dismay and sadness in my husband's face.

" I'm not pregnant" I announced. He slouched himself on the sofa before whispering something.

" I know. And that doesn't make you get away from the fact that you are married to me. Either with children or none, I am still utterly and madly inlove with you" His eyes are still closed and I cannot deny the fact that what he said was true.

" Please come closer to me" Rinig kong bulong niya muli sa akin. I did move closer to him and hugged him while he possessively wrapped his arm against mine.

" Two fucking years" I heard him curse.

He cursed.

" What shall I do to make you give up your job here and just be mine forever" Hindi ko alam kung ano ang tumatakbo sa isip niya. Kung ano ang gusto niyang palabasin ngunit kinikilabutan ako sa mga lumalabas sa bibig niya ngayon.

" Hindi pa man tayo magkakilala, ito na ang buhay ko, Xander. You know that I love my job. Kung hindi lang sana dahil sa kalokohang ginawa ko, normal sana ang buhay ko ngayon" I know that what I've said to him was hurtful on his side. Alam kong nakakasakit ang sinabi ko but he has to realize that he did too much too.

" I'm sorry for having you into this situation. But I won't apologize for falling inlove with you this much that I tend to be so selfish. I-" Tila naputol ang huling katagang sasabihin niya sana.

" I bought the company you are working in, Wife."  I shot him daggers

" Hindi mo puwedeng gawin yun! Bakit mo ginawa yun!" Napataas na ang boses ko. He can't freakin' invade my job too.

" Because I wanted to be a part of your life here" Hindi man niya kumpletuhing sabihin ang gusto niyang sabihin, tila ba nababasa ko ang kanyang isip. Xander will always be Xander.

" You are part of my life. You are my husband. I carry your name. I live with you. I sleep on the same bed with you. I eat with you. What else do you want?" His arms were crossed in front of me as if he was the boss who was trying to supervise me.

" I am your husband. I am supposed to feel that way but everytime I see you slip yourself away from me seems like you aren't mine at all. I fear that there will come a time that you would get tired of this marriage I badly wanted to last for a lifetime. I am scared that you might get tired of me. Of my possessiveness; That you might get too suffocated with my presence; With my love. And I fear that bloody day to come" He muttered. His words slapped me a thousand times. Where did he possibly dig out those thoughts in the first place? I am not thinking of leaving him. I won't. Kahit baliktarin ko pa ang mundo, babalik at babalik parin ako sa kanya.

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