Safe Place ~ WayHaught

Semicolon (part 2)

(The choice to continue.)

~Nicole POV~

I'm still mad at her. I know I shouldn't be, she didn't deserve me exploding like that. It's weird, one minute I'm thinking about how much I love her and then I can't stop myself from hurting her. I shouldn't be mad at her. All she's trying to do is help me and be here for me. I just want her to tell her friends about us. I want to go to school and hold her hand in the hallways. I want to kiss her by our lockers. I want to go on a real date, in public. I want all of the things and I want them with her. With my Waverly.

She has my head on her legs and her arms around me. Even though I'm pissed off, I still told her about what happened to me. I told her about the murders at the music festival. She always just wants to help me, so I'm letting her try. I'm not willing to tell her what our fight is really about. But I know that letting her in, at least about this, is a good thing.

I know that she doesn't want me to hide what I'm feeling, but coming out, telling her friends, that has to be something that she comes up with. I can't tell her to do that. It needs to be her idea. And yeah, I'm mad at her for not telling people, but I love her too much to let her go.

I just hope she loves me too.

~Waverly POV~

I love you.

Those words have never been easier for me to say, but Nicole still second guesses them. She thinks that I'm not in love with her. That I'm embarrassed to be with her. I don't know what to say or do. I don't know how to prove that I love her more than I have ever loved anyone or anything. I can't. Love isn't just some provable thing. It isn't tangible, it isn't visible, but when it's there it is obvious.

Love is an emotion that can only be known by faith. And I know that. I know how true it is and it hurts me because that means that Nicole doesn't have faith in me. She doesn't believe in me. I'm terrified.

I feel like no matter what I do, it won't be enough for her. Like I will never be able to prove how much she means to me. Like I'm always just going to be trapped in an endless cycle of I love you and it's not enough. I hate feeling this way. Feeling so far away. She's right here, resting her head on me, but I feel alone.

I am so freakin lonely, Nicole. Please, don't leave me alone.

I can feel her breathing change and I know she's asleep now. I gently move her so she's resting with her head on the pillows and I pull my blanket over her. I'm almost afraid to let her sleep tonight, after what she told me. I don't want her to have another nightmare or memory. I don't want her to be scared. She may not know it, or understand it, but I'm completely in love with her. That's why no matter how scared I am, no matter how much it hurts that she doesn't have faith in my feelings for her, no matter what she says or does, I will never leave her.

Our relationship is like a sentence. This fight is like a semicolon. We have the option to stop, but we choose to continue. We choose to say more even though the easier choice would be to just be quiet and let us end. I won't do that to her. I won't stop loving her. I won't stop having faith in her feelings for me. And I will be by her side until she wakes up. And I won't leave her alone even after she does. 

~Nicole POV~

I fall asleep on Waverly. Her arms around me and her hands messing with my hair. I don't know how long I've been asleep for when I feel her shift. She's moving me up onto one of her pillows, I can tell which one too, her favorite pillow. She never lets me sleep on it. I try to fight a smile and pretend I'm still asleep while she pulls a blanket over me.