Safe Place ~ WayHaught

That's Just How I Process

[Shits about to hit the fan. . . Again.]

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~Nicole POV~

I know I broke up with her, I told her to go, but now, I'm just really worried. Wynonna called her wondering why she hasn't come home, but she left her phone in my room when she took off. When I shoved her out the door. Now I'm stuck here, worrying myself sick over someone who hasn't shown me any respect lately, just because I love her and want what's best for her.

I know that I shouldn't be this terrified, but I can't help but wonder. . .

What if someone took her? It would be my fault.

We had to fake our own deaths! I know, Wynonna, said it's safe, but what if? What if I just sent my Waverly away and she ended up in trouble? I don't think I could live with myself. She may not be my girlfriend anymore, but she's still important to me. We spent almost three years together and no matter how angry I am, I can't just forget. I can't just act like nothing ever happened between us.

Music. Music will help.

I open up my phone and pull up my favorite playlist. When I hit play, I remember why this is my favorite. It's the one Waverly made me for when I feel depressed. The one she put together while we were still in Riverdale. The first song that comes on just makes me hurt even more, but I turn the volume up in my earbuds regardless.

Counterfeit emotions only run skin deep

Know you're lying when you're lying

Next to me, next to me

How did we get so far gone?

"Yeah," I chuckle and sigh out loud. I don't even hear myself over the blaring music. "Tell me, Waves. How did we get so far gone? How did you let this happen to us?"

I lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for a reply that I know isn't coming. My stomach is tied up in knots and I don't know what's happening to me. I can feel a lump rising through my throat and my head is on fire. A perfect triangle of pain forms over my left eye. I recognize this feeling, so I let out one last sentence before I lose my ability to speak.

"How did I let this happen to us?"

The music overtakes me and I allow the tears to spill over again. Waverly is gone. My Waverly isn't mine anymore. She lied to me. She hid things from me. She avoided and ignored me. And then, she ran away.

I pushed her away.

At first, I don't understand what's happening to me. My body feels normal, but I can tell something's going on because C.J. is screaming at me to wake up. I can feel my arms moving freely, without my consent, and my legs. I can feel the muscles in my stomach tightening and my back is stiff as a board, but I'm moving everything. Not a single piece of my body is still, not a single molecule is under my control. I'm shaking. I am effortlessly, uncontrollably, and completely, shaking.

I can hear everything, feel everything, but I have no ability to control my reactions to the circumstances that surround me. Wynonna is here now, she probably came over to try and find Waverly. She's scared, not just because her sister is lost, but also because she has no idea what is happening to me. She's placing something in my mouth, blocking my teeth from hurting me. I can hear her voice.

"Come on, Haughtsauce! Relax." Wynonna pulls me into her lap and tries to hold my head still.

I hear footsteps exiting my room. C.J. is probably going for her phone to call someone. I also hear things that I know aren't there. Like, Waverly.

"She's alive, Nicole. Willa. She's alive. I found her." Waverly's voice bounces through the room. "Nicole! Fight this. I can't tell what's happening, but I know you. You're strong enough to fight whatever's going on. I love you. I'm sorry if I ever made you doubt that. Just fight. Fight for me. Fight for C.J. . Fight for Wynonna!"

"I'm trying!" I call out, but I know it's only in my mind.

"How long has she been shaking like this?" I hear a man ask. I assume it's someone from an ambulance because I don't recognize the voice, but the sirens outside are still blaring.

"At least 7 minutes now!" C.J. puts her hand on my back and helps them lift me up on a stretcher.

"I remember my sister having a seizure once, I didn't know if this is the same, but I tried to keep her head still and hold her on her side so she could breath." Wynonna tells the man who is now rolling me out to the ambulance.

"You did good."

I feel a sharp stabbing in my outer thigh and almost immediately start to feel my muscles relax. But once I stop moving, I can't hear or feel anything anymore. Everything is just dark.

~Wynonna POV~

"Nicole, can you hear me?" I chuckle at myself when I hear my own voice. "I called you by your actual name."

I know she told me that she broke up with Waverly, but, just this one time, I'm on her side. I love my sister with everything that I am, but I'm not blind. I've seen the way she's been treating Nicole lately. She's been leaving her out and lying to her about who she's spending time with.

"I was coming over to check up on you. Waverly. . . She's been a bit of a dickhead to you lately. I know you love her more than anyone, maybe even more than me sometimes, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay." I'm Wynonna freakin Earp, and yet. . . I'm crying by her hospital bed. "I guess you're not, huh? You know, when Waverly was younger, about 8 or 9 years old, she had a seizure. It wasn't as bad as yours though, you definitely win first place on that one."

"The doctors say you'll be fine. Luckily. Most people have a 7 minutes long seizure and their brains just give up. Not you though." I sigh and check my phone again. Doc's out looking for Waverly. She's still missing.

"Dr. Madisyn told me some stuff. C.J. gave me access to your medical records and shit so I could update her. She said that you'll understand why she can't be in a hospital." I'm trying to be strong here, but this girl has helped my family so much. She is my family. "Dr. Madisyn, she said that there wasn't a clear neurological cause for this. At first I thought she was kidding me, but then she brought in the psychiatrist to ask questions about you. Like if you ever complained about headaches, or had trouble moving. I don't know about the trouble moving thing, but I know you get headaches a lot. They asked if you ever just stopped talking for abnormal amounts of time, or had episodes where you were unresponsive, or had difficulty swallowing sometimes. . . of course you do. I've picked up on it. So has Waverly."

I try to compose myself again. I know she's okay, the only reason she's asleep right now is because of the medicine they're giving her, but I want to be saying all of this to an awake Nicole Haught.

"They can't be sure until they talk to you, but they think you have something called Conversion Disorder." How do I explain this? "From what they've told me, it's like your brain doesn't know how to process stuff properly. So when something really stressful happens to you, like your breakup with my sister, you react to it physically. I guess your mind just stores its anxiety in the wrong places, so you get headaches, or stop talking, or have a f*cking seizure."

"They're gonna wake you up in about an hour, so I'll shut up now. Just. . . get some rest, okay?"

I take Nicole's hand and end up falling asleep for a little while before the doctors come in to take her off the medicine and wake her up. I'm actually scared for her. . .

Wynonna Earp doesn't get scared.

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Hey!! Sorry this update has taken a bit longer than usual! I got my wisdom teeth out on Tuesday and haven't really felt like writing that much.

Thanks for all the reads and positive feedback and sh*t!!
#1 in WayHaught??? Still feels like a dream.

Cheetahs,
I love you all to the moon and back!!

~ Jordan