Safe Place ~ WayHaught

My Favorite Sweatshirt

~Waverly POV~

I feel like my whole world is collapsing for about the tenth time this month. Obviously I want Nicole to get the help she needs, but not being able to visit more than twice a week and only getting ten minute phone calls at 7:00 pm seems a bit extreme. She won't be able to have any electronics, or shoelaces, or pants with a drawstring, or even shampoo that they don't specifically approve of. I may not be dating her anymore, but I know Nicole. She's not going to be comfortable at this hospital.

The same one they sent Wynonna to.

I'm scared that this is just going to make her worse and there's nothing I can do to help her. What if she gets lonely? Or what if she tries to hurt herself again?

God! Why did you do this Nicole?!

~Nicole POV~

"Waves," I was trying to hold her, but now she's the one holding me. "Hey. Hey, baby, look at me. Look in my eyes, okay?"

Her head slowly lifts off of my chest and she pulls back just enough so we can see each other's eyes. I don't know why I tried that. I must've scared her beyond the point of fear.

I do know why I did it. I wanted to die, I still want to die. No. . . That's not true. I don't want to die, but I feel like I'm just going to be a burden to people as long as I live. I don't want people to have to care of me forever.

"Why, Nicole?" Waverly is asking me the same question as everyone else, but I don't want to give her the same answer. I want to tell her the truth.

"I got scared." I pull us back so we can sit on my hospital bed, the way she curls up make my heart ache. Her head on my lap, facing my stomach, and holding onto my arm. Gently holding my arm. "I know that I'm gonna be sick forever, that there isn't a cure. My whole life is about to be filled with taking medicine and going to therapy. And I don't want to put the people who love me through all of that. I don't want to put you through that. I don't want you to spend your life taking care of me and walking on eggshells around me so I don't get overwhelmed. I don't want Wynonna and C.J. to constantly be worried about me."

"I love you, Nicole. Nicole Rayleigh Haught, I don't mind. I don't mind if I have to help you out sometimes or if I need to drive you to your therapy appointments." She sits up and runs a hand through her hair. "I don't mind taking care of you for the rest of my life because, Nicole, that means that I'll have a you to take care of. And it's okay. It's okay to need help from people."

"But-," She cuts me off, fully aware of what I'm about to say.

"You think I don't need help too?" She looks into my eyes and I want to argue, but I'm choosing to listen instead. I make a small gesture for her to continue without answering her one way or the other. "I do. I need help all the freakin time. And you do know that because you're the one who helps me. Hell, Nicole! You faked both of our deaths just so I wouldn't get murdered! You uprooted your whole life here and you built a new one with me for two years. And you helped me every single one of those 692 days that we were in Riverdale. You rocked me in your arms at night when I missed Wynonna. You held my hand after Betty's dad tried to kill me. You sang me back to sleep when I had nightmares about Mictian. Not to mention that you stayed by my side when Mictian was possessing me and you hadn't even known me for a whole month yet!"

Waverly turns my face so I'll look at her again. Her hand stays on my cheek to make sure I won't turn away.

"You never have to feel like a burden to me. We help each other because we love each other. I don't mind helping you, because I love you." She wraps one hand around my side and the other hasn't left my cheek. "I love you more than words can express and I know I'm probably sounding really repetitive by this point, but you need to listen to me. Don't just hear my words, okay? Listen to them. I love you and I know that I left you once, but I will never leave you again. I will always be here for you."

"Okay." My voice comes out as barely a whisper, but I know she heard me because she's holding onto me again.

Her arms are wrapped tightly around me, but in a gentle way. Like she's terrified that she'll loose me if she lets go. I don't even know how many times she said she loves me in that speech, but at some point, it got through to me. I could hear what she was saying. That I don't have to be ashamed of needing someone.

At first, I was still holding onto my anger towards her. I had forgiven her, yeah, but I hadn't let it go yet. A big part of me has been waiting all week for her to stop visiting, to stop calling, but it's been the complete opposite. She stopped going to school, she even brought a bag of clothes here cause she refuses to leave me again.

When I saw her last week, when she visited for the first time, I hadn't been planning on forgiving her. I wanted to yell at her and tell her how much she hurt me, but then I saw her. She's been taking this just as hard as me. Her eyes have dark circles underneath them from a lack of rest. She's lost so much weight that her cheeks look sunken in. I haven't seen her eat anything since she's been here with me and I can tell it started a while before.

Her favorite sweatshirt has gotten so loose on her. And I've been wanting to say something, but I know she'll come to me when she's ready. I can tell that she won't leave me again because I can see how upset she is with herself for doing it the first time.

~Waverly POV~

I can tell that she believes me now. She didn't until a few minutes ago, but I watched her eyes change from dark to light when the realization hit her. She's still depressed, I know that I can't change that. I have absolutely no control over that. But she knows that I'm not about to leave her.

I pull back from the hug and curl up with her in our favorite way. I honestly don't know if it's still her favorite, but it's always going to be mine. I feel safe with my head on her legs, facing her stomach, one of her arms resting on my back, my face buried in her other arm. I like how there's never been anything sexual, or even romantic, about lying with her like this. It's just my safe place.

I think I'll try to eat something after she gets taken to the other hospital. I feel better now. I feel better because I can tell that she does too. It's strange how much can change in a person in only a few minutes. How much different things are now compared to this morning. This morning, she was mad that it hadn't worked, but now she's upset that she tried it in the first place.

"Be nice to yourself." I say this as more of a demand than a request.

"I'll do my best."

I stand up for long enough to grab my favorite sweatshirt out of my bag and help Nicole pull it over her head. She smiles at the gesture and I lay back down how we were before.

"Wynonna said it gets cold there." I bury my face further into her arm because I know they'll come to transfer her any minute now. "I want you to be warm. And I don't want you to forget, not for a second, that I am coming to visit you whenever I can. And I want you to call me when they let you. And when you get discharged, I'll go with Wynonna to pick you up."

"I don't think I'm gonna take this off the entire time." She chuckles.

"You better not." I kiss her hand and immediately feel unsure of myself. "I'm sorry. I don't know if that made you uncomfortable or anything."

"Waverly," She pulls my hand up and kisses my knuckles. "Don't apologize for being sweet."

"I miss being your girlfriend." I sigh. "I miss us."

"I think we both know that we've never just been friends, Waves." I sit up when she says this and my heart is racing. Today's just full of surprises. "I'm still yours. Are you still mine?"

"Yeah," I lay back down and smile into the sleeve of our sweatshirt. "Always."

I wish you didn't have to go.

~~~~

Hey!! Sorry/not sorry for all those emotions haha
Also. . . This chapter is 500 words longer than most of my others and it took forever.

So. . . WayHaught is back together. BUT that's not the big takeaway from this chapter!! Remember that the whole point of this is "You are NOT a burden." Okay? You aren't. You are beautiful and wonderful and I love you all endlessly. And it's okay to ask for help.

Be brave my Cheetahs!!

~ Jordan