Safe Place ~ WayHaught

Can Waverly Visit?

~Nicole POV~

"I still don't understand what you're trying to say." I'm getting increasingly frustrated with Dr. Rayleigh. "The seizure was just a reaction to my breakup? What does that even mean?! I swear, I'm not faking this." I sigh and lean my head back. "Just. . . I don't know. . . Do another EEG?"

"Nicole, I can assure you that nobody here thinks you're faking anything." She realizes this is going to take a minute and sits down. "This illness is very real."

"But why does it happen?" I feel like these answers are so specifically vague. "What's the science behind it?"

"It isn't clear. You are a very brave young woman and you have been through a lot of traumas." Dr. Rayleigh sighs softly while she quickly searches for an explanation that I'll understand. "Most people's brains can take anxiety and sort through it, kind of like a math test. They start to question the how or why of something, so their mind will find the most logical solution and move on. Your brain works a little bit differently. Instead of taking the anxiety and sorting through it, you panic."

"Okay, but when I read about this online it just said that the cause was unknown." And I know that the internet doesn't know everything, but this is really confusing to me.

"The symptoms and cause of this illness is different for everyone who has it. For you, it's just an atypical reaction to anxiety and depression. Over the past 11 days that you've been here, we've observed your responses to visitors and the questions we ask. We've ruled out every possible neurological and medical disorder."

"So all of those times when I couldn't make myself speak, or when I couldn't move my arm, and that seizure, it's all because of my anxiety?" The wheels are slowly starting to turn in my head and the things Dr. Rayleigh has been saying are making more sense.

"Yes. Among other things." She pauses for a moment so I nod for her to continue. "You probably haven't noticed some of the symptoms, you're probably used to them by now." She looks down and reads a few things off of my chart. "Headaches, poor coordination, difficulty balancing, sensitivity to sound, and blurred vision."

"Yeah," I chuckle at how accurate that was. "Sounds about right. Hey-um-if it's okay, can Wynonna come talk to me for a while? I need to ask her something."

"I'll send her in."

Dr. Rayleigh disappears out the door to get Wynonna and I let out a really heavy sigh. There's still so much that I know I'll never understand about what's going on with me. I get the general idea of it all; I can't process things like most people, it was brought on by an emotional trauma, anxiety can go suck a dick. . . But there's still a lot of unanswered questions.

"You needed to talk to me, Haught shot?" Wynonna enters the room and practically jumps up beside me on the bed. I laugh at her constant goofiness and she smirks to herself. "There's that awkward laugh I've been missing this whole time!"

"Shhh," I lean closer and whisper playfully. "Nobody can know I still have a sense of humor."

Wynonna has become a best friend to me through all of this. She understands what it's like to be told you have a mental illness, that your brain doesn't work like most people's. She went through some similar stuff after Willa and Ward got. . . Dead.

"What'd you want to talk about?" She nudges my shoulder when she can tell I'm trying not to say what I'm thinking. "C'mon. . . You said you wanted to talk."

"I guess," I take a deep breath in and release it before continuing. "Can. . . No, will. . . Okay, does Waverly want to see me?"

"Do you want to see her?" She answers my question with a question.

"I miss her." I admit to both myself and Wynonna. "I'm not saying that I want to get back together with her or anything, but now that we know what's going on with me, it would be nice if I could just talk to her. I don't want to throw away three years, ya know?"

"I'll call her." Wynonna pulls out her phone and dials Waverly. "Hey, babygirl! So, I'm with Nicole, at the hospital, you're on speaker."

"Hey, Wyn. . . Hi, Nicole."

"So, Haught-hair was tal-," I cut Wynonna off before she can finish.

"Haught-hair? Really, Aphrodite?" My use of that name earns me a quick slap on the arm and we both stick our tongue out like two year olds.

"You two sound like you're getting along."

"Hey, Waves. I'm sorry about the way I ended things. I-uh-I was kind of hoping you could come visit me? Only if you're okay with that, of course." I can feel that headache the doctor talked about. I know I'm anxious talking to her like this. I mean, why wouldn't I be?

"Oh, Nicole. . . You know I love you, or maybe you don't, but you should. . . But I'm not sure it's good idea for me to see you right now. I'm sorry you're sick, and I really do want to see you, but. . . Nicole, you really hurt me. And I know that I hurt you too. I'm honestly kind of scared that seeing you won't be healthy for either of us."

I'm about to reply when I hear Wynonna being all Wynonna.

"Listen, babygirl. You know I love you more than donuts dipped in whiskey, but Nicole is going through some shit right now and you trying to refuse seeing her, especially when reaching out to you is one of the hardest things she's having to cope with right now, it kind of makes you an ass. . . Now get your butt in your Jeep and come visit your girlfriend!"

"You do know she broke up with me, right?"

"Not the point."

"Okay. See you in about 30 minutes."

Waverly knows better than to argue with Wynonna when it comes to pretty much everything. And I'm sincerely trying not to panic.

My head hurts. . .

~~~~~~

Hey!! So I decided that I would do a really small time jump and everything with Waverly and Willa will be explained in a sorta flashback type thing soon.

Also, I'm not sure if I said specifically what Nicole is being diagnosed with, so just in case I didn't. . . Nicole is being diagnosed with Conversion Disorder. It's a relatively rare mental illness and the symptoms and causes are different for everyone. It's really hard to describe, but I'm trying my best. I was diagnosed with Conversion Disorder a little bit over a year ago, but I've been dealing with the symptoms since 2016. This illness has caused me to lose a lot of friends and I can't go to a typical highschool anymore. I've been homeschooled for a while cause kids would bully me about my symptoms and eventually everything just got really overwhelming. I'm able to sit in a classroom for one class a day now, dualcredit for college, but going back to highschool just isn't going to happen.

For me, the symptoms are seizures, headaches, muscle spasms, tremors (my arm and head), sometimes I can't talk, visual and auditory hallucinations, and I don't know what word to use for this, but sometimes I just completely zone out and it's almost like I'm unconscious except I'm fully aware of everything, it's like I just can't react to whatever's happening around me.

Sorry for all of my medical history, I just wanted to share a little bit of my past with you all since this story has become so personal. And just so y'all know, I'm doing really good now. The medicines and therapy and all that shit is doing what it needs to do.

Thanks for reading, Cheetahs!!

~ Jordan