Paul Withers' Gay Diary

July 19 2018

SIS GUESS WHAT?

ITS DRAKE'S BDAY!!!   kjdgcuyfkhjgfjhv,jfhvaliejrvrkhvoejfelkghl

I'm so scared cause I promised myself and to my BFFs that I would give Drake an anonymous love letter for him since its his birthday, and maybe when I give it to him, I might piss my pants while doing cause I DON'T LIKE INTERACTIONS WITH PEOPLE THAT I LIKE. Jesus Christ please help me cause I'm gonna do it later at lunch break. I asked for Yeezy's advice on how to approach him since she knows how to get with dem boyz but she just told me to "Be yourself"

EXCUSE ME!? IDK ABOUT YOU SIS BUT IF I TRY TO BE MYSELF WHEN I GIVE THE LETTER, EVERYTHING'S GONNA GO FRIGGIN BAD

I just said 'ok' so that the conversation would be over, but that's what my mind was trying to tell her at the time. "Be yourself"?... its 2018 sis give me something more meaningful...ugh I literally thought that she could at least help me just a tiny bit. Luckily my girl Suzy saves the day by saying something more meaningful and helpful. Suzy said, "Try to control your gayness so that he won't think that the letter came from you". YES SIS PREACH<3<3 I love her so much haha...she notices things that I couldn't notice..."am I THAT gay?" I asked myself, then I realized I act SO GAY when it comes to interacting with my crushes so...sister Suzy has a point.

Lunch time came and I wasn't ready give the letter yet so I literally went to the restroom...and PRAYED TO THE GAY GODS FOR GUIDANCE. When I went back out I saw my BFFs waiting for me to go to the theater room cause that's where Drake would chill.So they went with me...but i stopped at the stairs near the theater room cause I got scared and spaced out cause this is really happening. Its not a dream this time...its the REAL DEAL. I finally had the courage to go upstairs and give the letter to him. I went up, knocked on the door, then suddenly the door opened and sis HE WAS THE ONE THAT ANSWERED THE DOOR. In my mind, half of me was like OMG too close too close 5 meters away please...and the other half was like WOW SUCH AN ANGEL! BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH! SO AMAZING AMAZING AMAZIIIING<3<3<3.

The experience didn't last long cause obviously I just had to give the letter and go, but it still felt so heartwarming and special for me, not to him of course but to me it was. My BFF SQUAD was so supportive when I did it so that boosted up my confidence a bit. But then the overreacting me comes and then I ask myself:

 'Wait what if he just doesn't care and just throws it without even reading it?'                                   'What if he reads it and tries to track the handwriting and finds out its me?'                                   'What if he thinks that its me just because I was the one who gave the letter?'

All these thoughts keep piling up again and then suddenly the bell rang...then my mind stopped. I guess you could say: I was saved by the bell. Ok that was corny I'm sorry to whoever is reading this besides me. We went back to the room then Suzy came to me said "SIS you did it!!" I just smiled awkwardly cause I still couldn't get over what happened. It was a fun, confusing, heartfelt roller coaster in my brain and in my heart. Idk what I would do if my BFFs weren't there to go with me to give it to Drake. I just wonder if he really read it or just didn't care. All I know about him is that he's nice to his 'lower years' and I'm a lower year so probably he'd be nice to me if I ever introduce myself...I just can't acquire the courage yet to do that since he's a person that I really like, it's been only a month and I'm already getting so attached and he doesn't even know me yet.

I'm an insecure person so I guess that adds up to the fact that i can't try to be friends with Drake yet. I always think of myself as person who doesn't deserve anyone but their family and friends. Nothing more, nothing less. I hope someday I can be more confident and outgoing so I can finally meet him and get to know him as a friend but that's also gonna be a problem cause the more I get to know him, the more I get attached and fall in love with him...

Idk sis but that's all the tea for now. :(