Paul Withers' Gay Diary

August 3 2018

The last chapter in my diary was about how i'm trying to use Drake as a way to get over my past boyfriend...its not working honestly. I still miss him so much and I really wish I could see him again...BUT ANYWAYS SIS here's the kind of boring tea I have for this day.

Hmmm...there's something wrong with me sis. I'm kinda getting too attached to Drake. I'm getting possessive and HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ME. At lunch time, I saw him sitting down on the stairs near our classroom. There were a few girls near him too but it didn't bother me cause at the time I thought Drake didn't know any of them. While he was sitting, we kinda got a lot of eye contact, which was really awkward and weird, but SIS he smiled at me! Like actually smiled at me...I'M SHOOK AND EMBARRASSED AT THE SAME TIME cause I think I replied with a creepy smile, It's cause I didn't know what to do OK? Anyways me and my SIS FOR LIFE,  lets call her "Coochie" so that I won't expose her too HAHA. Me and Coochie were just chilling near the stairs too, so that we could appreciate Drake's GORGEOUSNESS. Then suddenly sis, one of the girls near him literally took Drake by the hand and went somewhere...They were smiling at each other too. Then Coochie said,

"Paul, are you ok?"

"WHAAAT!? OF COURSE I AM SISTERRR. I mean, why would you ask that?"

"You literally saw your crush smiling at another girl while they were holding hands...SIS you're jealous don't hide it bish."

Yeah of course I was jealous cause he's my crush and I was an eye witness to what happened. I don't know if I should saw "Awwwww" or "STEP AWAY FROM MY MAN!" I mean he isn't MY man but just like I said I'm being a total weirdo and being possessive and all. Is that weird though? I think it is, cause after witnessing what happened, I literally CRIED. I was a stupid teenager crying over a person who doesn't even know me. I'm 'that' kind of a person that gets easily attached to the people I like, so i really appreciate my BFFs and sister Coochie cause they're always there to SLAP some sense into me and help me avoid being a friggin stupid, possessive, overly attached weirdo.

My day became sad because of what I saw. It literally felt like someone was cheating at me HAHA, but seriously I was scarred. Luckily sister Coochie's always there for me through thick and thin. My BFF SQUAD weren't the only people that helped me through dark times. Sister Coochie made a great contribution too...(If your reading this sister Coochie, HEY SIS<3) She's also one of the most relatable friends I have. We would always laugh so hard at our corny and weird jokes. She also has a boyfriend in Australia so she knows how it feels having a long distance relationship. 

After dinner I saw Yeezy sent a friend request to Drake cause she sent a screenshot, after a day Drake accepted the friend request and that me feel worse actually...Yeezy knows how I feel about Drake and for her to just brag about how he accepted the request, felt really insensitive. I sent sister Coochie the screenshot and she said I should send him a friend request. 

BUT SIS, I'm scared that he won't accept it cause he might look at my profile at see how much of an ugly freak I am, and I'm really insecure so rejection really takes a BIG impact on me. I talked to sister Coochie about how I was scared and too insecure but she didn't know what to say cause she's insecure too HAHA. Love you sis<3. So the second person I went to was Suzy and she was really sympathetic with what I said. She put herself in my shoes, and tried to come up with advice for me which I really appreciate. Suzy and sister Coochie are very supportive and they would say things at me in school that would always up my confidence and cheer me up like: 

"Yieeee, Paul you're so handsomeee<3"

or "Omg Paul you look so aesthetic, I love what your wearing<3"

It doesn't change a lot cause when I look in the mirror I see actual trash, but I just really appreciate it and I get really happy when they try to say those things to me. They might not know how much it means to me, but it really ups my self confidence so I'm really thankful when they give those cute little side compliments. They really help a lot when I tell them about my insecurities and dark moments in life cause they give such good advice, they're literally like my moms that look after me everyday. 

That's it for this day in my life...I'm sorry if the tea wasn't all that special today. I'm still just really sad about the things that happened today...honestly everyday is a sad day for me HAHAHA. I'll try to make my life a little bit more interesting so that I could write more interesting tea in my diary soon, sorry if the tea I spilled was boring and bullshiz tea. I promise I'll write HOTTER TEA in my diary<3