"Not everyone in paris is inlove...but luckily, I found you"
That sentence you said to me months ago, now that I remember it...I felt worse. I couldn't write in my diary for almost a month cause of everything that's happened. And its a long long story. I got busy and stressed because of all the school work I had to do, and after school I have to watch my little brother and do the chores til' 10:00 pm. I usually sleep at like 2 am cause I have to do all the homework my stupid teachers give me. Its hard to prioritize cause so much things are going on inside my head and I'm honestly ready to explode. I try my best at everything I do cause I want to satisfy myself and impress others, but no matter how hard i try, it doesn't really work. The only thing that keeps me smiling is the sky cause I always remember 'him' when I see it. Its been really hard lately...these past few weeks i've been called useless, stupid, ugly, fat, undeserving, and freak. Honestly I'm used to it cause I hear those everyday in my life, but it really hit me hard these past few weeks cause I was already stressed and I was already looking down myself and those words made it even worse. I can't really function properly in school, at home...anywhere. I need you...it might sound cheesy and it might sound like a total weakling, but its true. You were the only one who can make these kinds of days feel happy and bright. Cause whenever you're with me, i feel like I can do anything. You're "digital hugs" always make me feel safe. But i have to face the reality that you're gone now, and I can't do anything to bring you back.
Its a rainy, gloomy day today...but i kinda like it cause it complements the mood today. Its almost my bday (its nov 12 btw :3) and I'm still depressed. I got into a huge fight with my mom and I got so mad that i pushed her too hard. It that adds up to the fact that I'm an actual monster...ugh things aren't going so well my sis...for now that's all I can say...just a cluster of my thoughts.
see ya later <3
YOU ARE READING
Paul Withers' Gay Diary
RomantizmHeY SiS!!! I'm Paul Withers, a young, bisexual writer and an art student, and i wanted a place where i could just let out all my bottled up feelings. I wanted to write it in my notes in my phone but I wanted to share my ShiZzy life to other people...
