What I Like About You

13. The Space Between a Rock and a Hard Place

13.

Dizzy's POV
Crystal looked back at me and asked, "What's with her?" I hung up the phone and walked toward Crystal. I saw what she was screaming at. I looked at Crystal and grabbed her arm. We ran to the boys and Toni was hugging Mikey. "Who are these guys?", "They're good friends of ours. They're a band.", "Which band?", "5 Seconds of Summer. Come on, I'll introduce you." She immediately crouch a little and I assured her that she shouldn't be nervous. We walked toward the guys and I said, "Guys, this is Crystal. Crystal, the guys.", "I'm Calum.", "Luke." I saw Toni look at him for a moment with a pained look. I saw Arzaylea with Luke and I couldn't believe it. I bet they're dating. "I'm Ashton, Toni's big brother and Dizzy's boyfriend.", "Wow." She said. Toni hugs Ash and he smiled in a goofy way. Mikey didn't say anything. His eyes were bugging out. Crystal was starting to shrink back again but luckily, Toni stepped in. "This is Michael. He's just shy.", "I'm not shy. I think I got something in my eye." He wipes his eyes while Crystal bites her lip, trying not to let out a giggle. They're going to hit it off. I saw Cal and he knew what I was thinking. I laughed and hugged him. "I missed you best friend." I said. "I missed you too. It's boring pranking Luke.", "He is no fun." I saw Luke blushing, holding Arzaylea's hand. He looked happy but not as happy as he was with Toni. Why is he doing this?  Remembering Toni, I looked back to see her just chatting with her brother. They hugged again but this time it was longer. When he let go, he rubbed her arms a little and she hissed. "What's wrong?" I heard him ask. "Nothing.  It's just cold. I'm fine." I walked over toward Ash and Toni. "It's 75 degrees. Don't lie to me. What's wrong?", "Nothing. I told you, I'm fine." He changed his tone and said, "Show me your arms." Her face became bright red. The worst thing popped in my head, the one thing that I have never even considered. She's been cutting herself. "There's no need Ash. I'm fine." Toni growls. "Show us your arms. Please." I asked in a strained voice. I was so scared that it was true. Please don't let it be true. I was about to cry. "Guys, I'm fine, okay? Nothing to worry about." Toni says sternly but she started to choke up. I saw her holding in tears. By now all the boys had left to give us privacy. Luckily the music was loud enough where no one could hear us but we could hear each other. We were also far enough away where not many people could see us. We were still pretty close to the lake. "You promised..." Ash started. He didn't get a chance because Toni started to cry. She fell into Ash's arms and while she was hugging him, he moved her sleeves slightly. But it was enough to see the red cuts. They were recent. I covered my mouth and started to cry as well. Toni and I quietly sobbed while Ash was holding his sister, letting the tears run down his cheeks. I could tell he was trying to be strong but he let the tears fall anyways. Toni is like his only weakness since they are so close and the eldest siblings. When Toni started to calm down, we wiped the tears away for her and she rolled down her sleeves. "I didn't think it would get this bad." She said. I hugged her and said, "It's okay. I didn't either but it's okay.  As long as you're okay." She sobbed a little and I also cried again. I couldn't handle it. For about two months, she's been in my house and she's been doing this. I never saw the signs. I should've, I should've seen it damn it. We let go and tried to wipe away the tears from all of our eyes. It took awhile but I decided to go by the lake and buy some ice cream. Toni and Ash thought it was a good idea. Toni and I laughed at our faces because all of our makeup had run. We went to the bathroom and wiped it all off. I guess we're going with the natural, no makeup look.

We went to a Baskin Robbins and got the specialty ice creams. I got cookie dough and Ash and Toni got chocolate chip. They are so alike, it's adorable. And the ice cream was delicious. We walked around, trying to clear all of our minds. We walked around a park, a parking lot, and finally stopped at the lake near Coachella. We all sat in the sand, with my head on his shoulder and Toni's head on the other. Looking into the lake, watching the ripples, hearing the robins. It was peaceful, calm, the perfect scene to look after a long day. It has been a long day. Meeting Crystal was the best, seeing the boys again had its bittersweet moments, and finding out about Toni cutting herself was more than I can bear. More than Ash  can bear. Even more than Toni  can bear. We all needed to look at this. Just the lake, the blue sky and the sound of robins and music. "This was a good idea, Dizzy." Ash said to me. I smiled and said, "No biggie. It's nice to look at the lake once in awhile.", "I really needed this. Thank you." Toni said. We both smiled and hugged her tight. She got up and said, "I'm gonna go find Mikey, Cal and Crystal. I'm sure they're all worried about me.", "I'll catch up with you in a minute." Ash said. She rolled her eyes, knowing that he was lying and ran off. My head was still on his shoulder but our hands were together, holding each other like we were going to lose one another. "I can't believe I didn't see it." I let out breathlessly. "It's not your fault. You didn't know.", "But I could've helped more. I could've cut my rehearsals short, I could've stay up later, I...", "You did  everything you could to help. You were the perfect best friend, she just didn't realize how much it would hurt this time. She loved him.", "I know. I know she did but... I didn't know how to help. I've never broken up with someone that cheated on me and that I loved so much. I tried to understand but... I couldn't. I couldn't fucking do it.", "Don't beat yourself up over it. You were there, you had ideas to make her smile and get her out of the house. That was enough for Toni. That was enough that her best friend was there." I still felt awful about not seeing it but it helped that Ash told me I did everything I could. He kissed my forehead and I sighed. "How'd you get into Coachella?" I asked. "Please, I'm rockstar. I just walked in." I laughed a little and looked at him. "I really missed your amazing sense of humor.", "And I really miss your sarcastic ass comments." I laughed one more time before I kissed him.