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agliophobia: the fear of pain. being afraid something painful will happen
>>>>>month zero<<<<<
him
so much time had gone by, luke had lost count of the months by now, unable to focus on anything but the drone of his record player and the disembodiment he felt with each breath he took. he sat on his bedroom floor playing the same record over and over and over. he couldn't bring himself to move, to change, to do anything. everyone who came by he ignored, not opening the door or just sitting in complete silence until they felt uncomfortable enough to leave without a word.
luke didn't know what to say at this point. he himself felt sick all the time. constant headaches and nausea. until one day he decided to do it. to go see her.
one. more. time.
he knew he wouldn't be able to handle it if she didn't wake up. he had to find a way to wake her up. so luke finally leaves his room, guitar in hand and a heavy heart weighted in his chest.
*****
the hospital is buzzing with usual activity, doctors and nurses stressfully running around. people were dying at that very moment. doctors lost patients and families lost their loved ones. people die. but luke could never accept that. always wondering what could possibly be waiting for him on the other side.
more of this? more of the unknown and listlessness of everyday life?
deep down luke knew he was unsettled by it, fearful of it.
death.
people die. and luke has never learned to cope with that. he didn't know how to accept the information, how to take it and run with it and live a full life. because in the end, what will it all mean?
people die, every single fucking day. luke knew that. he could see it on the faces of strangers he passed, the people they've lost. he could see the emptiness that was left in their wake.
rounding the last corner to her room luke stops, the air leaking from his chest leaving his lungs empty. his guitar has become too heavy in his palm as his knees buckle beneath him. his instrument hits the title so loud it gains the attention of the adults hovering together in a small circle, weeping. the bed lies as empty as luke's heart.
luna's father is the first to approach him, his appearance defeated but the distrust is written in his body language when he finally faces luke.
