A Partisan's Fight - COMPLETED!

Chapter Fifty-Nine

I love you...Those were words she hadn't expected to say. They'd come out so easily, yet felt like they were choking her from the inside out.

Leaning against the side of Analiese's house in an alleyway, Mina pinched her eyes closed and tilted her head to the sky. What have I done?

The cool air hit her face, tickling the tearstains flowing down her cheeks. She knew it wasn't safe to go far so she had rounded the corner as soon as she was out of sight and looped back around. She didn't need to be questioned right now. She needed space.

Pulling out the clips holding her hair in a tight bun, she slid to the muddy earth, not caring that her dress was going to be stained with mud. She couldn't feel the dampness seeping through the fabric to her legs.

She was numb, staring at the brick wall that separated Analiese's home from Aldrik's. It wasn't much privacy, but it was suitable for the area they were in. She would accept it graciously. Running her fingers through her hair, her scalp tingled after a day of having the camp required bun. She supposed it was to make them look meaner; more respectable. It was the only thing that the camp had right, but it was all an act. A little fear went a long way in the fight to make a purer country though.

The desire to make a purer country had left many people flailing to their knees — including her. The people she'd lost flickered through her mind — her father, her mother, her brother, her fiancé — reminding her why she couldn't fall in love with someone. And all the more reason to hate this country, yet all she could see was the chance for it to be great again. The chance to save it. To turn the wrong choices into right ones.

She was born for a greatness that she wasn't sure she understood completely, but it was there, reminding her that she needed to give her best. Falling in love was not giving her best for the country that she needed to see restored, nor was it best for the people that she needed to save. She needed to get her head screwed on right. She had no reason to ruin this for a false love that meant nothing. It couldn't mean anything.

"Why does it hurt to say it means nothing?" Mina whispered, eyes pinching shut tight enough to cut off any tears trying to escape. The action just cut the tears in half, allowing parts of them to still slip down her face. Her heart felt like it wanted to explode, justifying new cracks to leave their scars instead. She tried to hiccup away the sobs trying to fight their way out of her. It was a nearly impossible task. It was as though Markus had died, in spite of him being very much alive and in her life.

Leaning her elbows on her knees, she rubbed her face with both hands. Cradling her face, she allowed the sobs to take their time and melt away. Loneliness needed to be her friend. She couldn't afford to have a love interest in a time like now. Rising to her feet, Mina swiped the wetness from her face. Her chin quivered as she worked her way back to the house. She paused in front of the steps, staring at them, plotting how she wanted to proceed. Tiptoeing, she avoided all the spots she knew would creak. She still didn't want to face anyone. She wanted to sneak to her room, shut the door, and go to bed. Tomorrow would be upon her soon enough and the thought of taking on any more conversations did not sound appealing.

Pressing up against the door, she slowly turned the knob and let herself in. Within moments she had the door quietly shut behind her. Eyeing up around herself, it was hard to see through the blurring vision that reminded her she was still not okay. Attempting to steady her breath, she crept through the rooms to the stairs. She could hear Aldrik and Lotte murmuring, but it was too faint to know what they were saying. Her heartbeat was racing as she crept up the stairs and to her room. So far so good... A few more steps... She made it. Sneaking into her room, she quietly closed the door, praying it wouldn't creak and give her away. With a heavy breath, she closed the door and leaned against it, crossing her arms over her chest and pinching her eyes closed. Avoidance was her best tactic now.