secretly admiring ; park woojin

11-

"we have made this decision fairly and thoroughly. it's is only right that doctor lee hyora will be.........."

before they continue, i just want to say my last few words because after this, i will not be bothering woojin again. it's really hard to keep up with that but i'm gonna try.

i don't want to cause more trouble to him and his life. i don't want to pose more dangers to him that can potentially ruin his life. i'm over doing things that will make him suffer.

it's too hard seeing him being like this because me. if keeping him safe means i have to get out of his life, i will. i'm already too traumatised by this to even continue seeing woojin.

if i continue trying to press myself into woojin and his life, i will live a very guilty life everytime i look at woojin. maybe we aren't meant to be.

they say people meet for reasons and i think, i met woojin for me to learn. woojin met me because of bad luck. i'm the bad luck. even if that's not the reason god gave, i met the right person at the wrong time.

it's been so long and i've met a lot of guys. no one can ever make my heart beat really fast. no one can ever make me stay awake late at night thinking of them. no one can make me get up early in the morning to buy a kimbap for them. no one can make me blush so badly. no one can give me the same motivation. no one can me more livelier. no one can make me smile more than normal. the list can go on. no one but woojin can make me go through this type of feeling and affection towards someone.

i guess i really love him. but i guess it's the wrong time. what could have happened if we met earlier or later? could we have had more and better time together if we met earlier? could we have been in a better relationship if we met earlier? could we have lesser problems if we met later? or was it the right timing? maybe this thing was just a huge karma for me because i was too selfish.

youth is a passage of fumbling, tumbling journey. we were carelessly having fun, not thinking about the future. we wanted to have the time of our lives. we didn't think of what things could happen when we grow old. we thought everything will be the same. perhaps, we were busy smiling, chasing the stars in the sky.

along the way, we lost the sight of our future and here we are. i was not able to thank you for the things you did that brought me to where i am. i only wish that at the edge of the sky, where i cannot see you, you're able to spread your wings widely and freely. i hope you meet your destined one. she's so fortunate to have met you. she must have saved the earth in her previous life.

anyone could predict the final decision of the board and i'm now ready to take in the responsibility as their doctor.

"it's is only right that doctor lee hyora will be penalised for the incident. the board has decided a 2 year suspension for her doctor license"

i knew that would happen but it's okay. i'm okay.

everyone starts talking different opinions— unfair or fair. i would say both. it's unfair because i know myself that i didn't change the labels and caused woojin this. but it's fair because i'm their doctor and i should be checking all these things and make sure they're taking the correct medication.

why am i not surprised by this decision.

"that's the end of this meeting." mr kwon dismisses us.

the meeting hall door opens and many reporters crowd around.

"what is the decision for doctor lee?"

"was doctor lee fired?"

"was doctor lee suspended?"

"how did the board of members come up with the decision?

"was the decision fair?"

"please answer us!"

and more and more and more.

flashes are everywhere and at every second.

i decided to stay at the meeting hall as everyone exited. the reporters followed the crowd coming out of the hall.

"doctor lee, i'm afraid i cant bring you home due to your suspension and orders from the higher ups to avoid associations with you. i apologise." wanna one's manager bows and exited the hall too.

soon, it's just me and this empty hall. the very hall i was given my license was the very hall i got my license suspended. i couldn't help but cry, thinking about the times and the hard work i put in for this license.

i seemed tough when the decision was said aloud but it broke me that the decision was really a suspension. i'm thankful it's just a suspension though.

i took my phone out and looked for my family picture. i found myself staring at it.

"mom, i'm really sorry to disappoint you. you didn't pay all my tuition fee for me to mess up everything you have worked hard for." i balled my eyes out.

"dad, hyora is really sorry. i didn't want any of this. please don't be upset with me" i cried even harder.

my parents worked their ass off in their low paying jobs so that they could pay off my school and tuition fees. so that i could make it this far. i couldn't even pay them back fully. 2 years of suspension is a lot of money i lost that could potentially give my parents a better life.

i'm a mess and a trouble.

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