secretly admiring ; park woojin

12-

a few days has went by since i got my license suspended and woojin had yet to wake up. probably everyone in this country is getting worried because he was due to wake 2 days ago. the doctors have brief and unexplained possible reasons. i myself have no idea why he has yet to wake up. all of us just had to wait until woojin woke up.

my days were speny sending in resume to apply in clinics. mostly are those "nurses" that gives out the medicine position but who in the right mind would hire someone who made a very big trouble for having my patient drink the wrong medicine.

i was rejected many times and some were yet to be confirmed. i really hope a clinic accepts me because 2 years of my license suspension can make me starve and go broke in a sad year of trying to survive with my savings.

i decided that i would use all my savings in grocery, and household bills. nothing else. because at this rate of unemployment, i might really just starve and die. i would have to rethink other expenses too but i have to prioritize the basic necessities.

the house is a mess. i barely had energy to do the dishes or cook some food so all the plates are everywhere. the sink is full and probably infested by flies or ants. for the past days, the food in my menu are cup noodles, triangle kimbaps, and instant rice cakes. firstly, they are cheap. secondly, they can be found in convenience stores. thirdly, there's a convenience store just at the ground floor of my apartment so it's really living up to it's "convenience". lastly, they are the easiest to cook and requires the least attention while cooking.

i spend around 30 minutes each shower thinking about how my future would be. i had so many scenarios of it and me having a suspended license wasn't something i thought of when i was still studying medicine. back when i was still with woojin, i thought about how the both of us would grow older as ordinary people and we will live happily in a small apartment in each other arms in the bed during winter. winter was our favourite because the fireplace would warm us as we drink hot choco. i imagines us cuddling and sleeping all day in winter as the warmth of the fire hugs us.

when woojin became an idol, i imagined my life to just be a fangirl, admiring woojin from a far during concerts and performances. i would sleep at night with his deep, rough voice singing a ballad for me from the speaker of my phones. i would watch him in reality and variety shows and watch him laugh and have the best time of his life with his members.

all along, i planned for all those positive things to happen but i have yet to think anything negative that would happen so karma decided to give me the biggest blow of trouble. i imagined all the good things in my mind but was never brought to reality. it was all just in my brain and my delusional self.

everything is going downhill and i don't see the end even though i have come to a stop for a short rest. the moment woojin wakes up, we would be the talk again. woojin would go for a press conference to see if i was anywhere near innocent. i don't know what else can happen at a press conference but i do know that the country would want to connect to woojin to know the other side of the story. and i would be back at the hill, tumbling down. the hill is too steep to even look back and climb it.

i closed my laptop with the biggest sigh i ever remember coming out of my mouth in my entire life. i brushed off the thoughts in my emotional brain and decided to clean up a bit. if i was going down the hill, me being like this wouldn't help me either and i need to help myself if i want myself to feel better. i can't sit in a slump all year because of what happened. everything will come to a conclusion once woojin wakes up so i just have to sit and wait in my clean house and pray for woojin to get better because he's someone that takes up half the space in my heart and i don't want him to hurt.

it took me hours to clean the house especially with the stinking sink. the sink was fortunately not infested so i had my troubles cut into half. i vacuumed and moped the whole house and the water was really dirty after all the dust collected. i gave a disgusted face at the sight and i questioned myself so hard about the whole happening. i'm so dirty.

my legs were about to break and my hands about to dislocate after 4 hours of cleaning, organizing and decluttering. i laid on bed and breathe heavily. i got up after a few minutes and turned the tv on to reward myself.

the tv turned on and the news was airing. i heard the first words and i couldn't believe it. a tear slides down my cheeks and i could not contain myself. i was really worried and anxious. i can't even express my emotions right now.

"BREAKING NEWS: Wanna One's Park Woojin has finally woken up after 14 days"