secretly admiring ; park woojin

17-

woojin's pov

right now, i'm all alone in the hospital room. the members had to leave for practice since they had schedules tomorrow.

i lay awake on the bed. i just couldn't get over how i've been sleeping on this bed for 2 weeks and the fact that i was here "because" of hyora is just blowing my mind off.

i clearly remember that she told me to take panadol pills. and i did from the boxes. it was literally labeled "extra strong panadol pills" and that was all i saw. no normal panadols so i assumed that was it.

i did noticed something weird because the bottle was literally green and the last time i checked, there's no panadol that's in a green bottle. but i just took it because that was what the label says. i mean i couldn't be wrong.

and i have the biggest regret of my life when i took it. wow who knew a single pill could bring me to all these great lengths of pain?

a single pill caused me to be admitted to a hospital, get operations, comatosed for 2 weeks, and get a doctor suspended for 2 years.

pill, a 4-letter word yet a very powerful thing that can cause harm to people. i laugh at the thought. things have been so insane.

and just like that, i looked up and see that it was already 2.37am. i lay back down and tried to go to sleep while my thoughts mess around with my brains.

i grab the comforter and wrapped it around my whole body. i grab a pillow and placed them between my left leg and the bed. i turn my body to the right and straightened my right leg as the other hugs the pillow. i bring out my right hand and placed my head on my arms. my left hand hugs the pillow too.

it's a really comfortable position. it's a position where i'm somehow hugging someone. i long to have someone to hug at night.

i physically cough at what i just thought. as an idol, i personally think that it would be really hard to be able date. mostly when you have a lot of fans looking at you.

sometimes, i think of myself getting a girlfriend only at the age of 35 when i retire from the music industry. not entirely retire but when i'm old enough that i'm not in much light anymore. it's easier that way but sadder that way.

the fact that i can't date anyone without getting words thrown at me just hurts me. they might bash my significant other. or do something bad to them. so many things can happen and i don't want those to happen to someone i love.

my brain immediately floats to hyora as i recall the day we met up at coffee bay to talk. that day was terrible. bloodshot eyes from all the crying and i got 10 boys crowding around me to ask what happened. i didn't tell them anyways.

until now, my heart beats for her. but i felt so hurt when she didn't even act like we dated. let alone knew each other. but i tried to keep it cool and acted the same.

that was honestly childish of me. i could have let hyora do all the childish actions but i did it too. i had a lot of regrets ever since i entered the music industry.

i love hyora but i love my career too. i love being on stage but i love being at home cuddling with hyora too. i love my fans but i love to be alone at some point of times too. i love being a celebrity but i wanna take some off from it sometimes.

i'm really complicated and i hate that about myself. i may look confident on stage but i shake really badly before i get onto the stage. i may look energetic but i'm really tired inside, forcing myself to be hyped.

my body just doesn't react to what i feel inside. it feels like my body and my feelings are two separate parts. they work separately. my body is too ignorant of my feelings. and my feelings are too sensitive.

i don't really think about these things even though i know them but today, it got to me.

but for once today, my body decides to listen to my feelings. or my body was really just gonna react like that.

i'm tired he says.

so does my body.

and so, both of us fall asleep. at 3.30am.

[ ahhhh took me so long to update jesos,, really sorry to those who wanted updates, commenting for updates >< really hope y'all don't mind because i'm really busy >< ]

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