he was a bad guy | vkook

2taehyung

when i wake up, i feel jungkook's breath on the back of my neck, and that's when i realize how badly i missed him. yes, he made me go through a lot, and even now that i've been beat up it's technically because of my relation to him, but he's all worth it. he's worth the pain, he's worth the tears and he's worth my pathetically shaking limbs.

well, my heart thinks so. my mind doesn't. i don't know what to do.

very slowly i try to sit down, but my arms feel so weak that i plop back down almost immediately. this motion wakes the sleeping jungkook up and he yawns widely before opening his eyes and staring at me.

"taehyung," he whispers. the way he says my name... his groggy voice makes me feel goosebumps.

"i... sorry, i didn't mean to wake you up," i mumble, and make an attempt to sit up once again, once again failing.

"here, let me help you."

he quickly gets up and goes over to my side of the bed. he pushes me slightly up with as much ease as when he carried me to this room, and puts a pillow behind my back. i feel quite comfortable as it is, but he's not done yet. he tugs me in even tighter and grabs the cup standing on the nightstand, only to realize that the tea he probably made for me is cold already.

"shit, i forgot about it," he says, laughing to himself. "i should go heat it up."

he turns to leave, but i quickly reach for his wrist with my shaking hand, making him stop in his tracks.

"you don't have to do this, i'm fine," i mutter, but that sounds so quiet and unconfident that i myself do not believe me.

"no, you're still shaking. i have to do something."

he turns around again.

"jungkook," i call out. yet again, he stops. "please, don't go."

i know that was pathetic, but i really don't want him to leave. i can't stay alone for long. it makes the seizures even worse.

jungkook eyes me with sympathy but doesn't say anything. instead he nods and sits beside me on the bed, putting the cup back where it was.

"i'm so sorry, tae. it's all my fault."

"what?"

"it's all my fault," he repeats, covering his face with his hands. "from the very beginning i... i made you suffer, and you don't deserve this. you deserve better. and now all your life you'll be afraid because of me."

i close my eyes and bite my lip. don't cry. don't you dare.

i brush away the lonely tear, hoping that jungkook wouldn't notice.

"did you really steal from him?" i ask, because i don't know what else to say.

"what? no!" he sounds offended. "i wouldn't risk your life, you know that."

"right, i-" i shake my head. "i'm sorry, i shouldn't have asked. i don't know what's wrong with me, i'm-"

"no, stop it, nothing's wrong with you!" he gently takes my hands in his and probably notices how cold they are, because his eyes widen in shock. "it's me who should apologize." he looks me in the eye. "it's bad this time, isn't it, tae?"

i was trying to hold it in, but fuck it. i'm the ill pathetic shaking self i am.

i burst into tears, leaning onto jungkook's chest. he puts his arms around me, rubbing comforting circles on my back. he's such an expert in that.

"taehyung, please don't cry. i promise everything will be alright."

i nod vigorously but keep crying. "it's getting worse every day," i mumble between loud sobs. "i don't know... i get seizures very often now and-"

"and i'm not there to comfort you," he finishes for me. i nod again.

"i just... i miss you so bad, but... i can't choose, it's too hard for me!"

"i know, tae, i know. shh, calm down, it's gonna be alright."

i must be annoying the hell out of him with my constant weeping. oh wait, not that constant. it's only the second time this year.

"shit, i'm sorry for being such a mess," i mutter as my breathing gets even.

"hey, stop it, you're not a mess," he pats my ruffled hair. "you're the most beautiful, most fragile thing i've ever met."

"but that's it, i'm too fragile! i can't even live on my own, i can't sit up without your help, i cannot say a word without crying-"

"taehyung, baby, don't say that! you're gonna make me cry!"

he called me baby.

"you see, i'm the party pooper."

"hey, really, stop it. i missed you so much, let me just hug you."

and with that he hugs me as tight as a person can hug.

no, i cannot make myself unlove him, forget him. sorry, mind, we're going with my stupid heart's plan. it probably wants me to die.