Jeff x Ben-Dirty Mind

•22

When we got to the club, Jack and everyone else started to have a good time but all I did was drink. I took shot after shot. Eventually, I started to join in on the fun but I still felt empty.

Why.

Why, why, why, why, why, why?

Why did I cheat on Ben again? Why did I do that? I knew it was bad, I love Ben, not anyone else but I still did it. I hurt him again, why?

I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I did that, it's going to hurt him. I know he's the best thing that's ever happened to me pretty much, so why did I do that?

Especially with Jane. An ex. I never hook up with ex's! That's my rule. First Devon, now Jane. Why am I like this? I can't be mad if he finds out and leaves me. I have no right to be.

Just try to have fun

We were in a small circle and making each other laugh after a while. I had my hand resting on the small of Jane's back. She put it there for some reason. I didn't know why but I didn't really care all that much. I hope she doesn't think we're dating now but I wouldn't really mind being her friend.

My hand on her back to me was a small sign of affection. Friendship. An understanding that we used... She used to be in love with me. I kind of care about her but I don't love her. I probably would kind of care if she died but there's no way I could ever like her as much as Ben. I hope she doesn't think this'll be a regular occurrence or thinks we're dating. There's no way I'd ever do that again.

"So you an Jane?" Toby said knowingly with a grin as he turned to us. Jack did too. I quirked a brow at him and Jane giggled lightly.

"Haha, yeah, no." I said as I sipped from my drink casually. I expected the subject to change and was confused when it didn't.

Jane looked up at me as if she was offended.

"What?" I asked as I quirked a brow at her.

"Nothing." She said as she looked down.

What? Did I hurt her feelings or something? Why should I care anyways, I love Ben. She shouldn't be offended. If she thought anything would sprout from what we did in her car, that's on her, not me, not my problem.

I slowly looked away from her while sipping my drink and pulled my hand away from her back. I didn't feel comfortable doing that anymore. She sighed as she walked away and towards the bar.

"Oooohhh." Jack and Toby said in unison.

"What?" I asked.

"You made her sad." They laughed out at my unknowing ass.

"What? Why?"

They shrugged.

"You tell us."

I looked down at my drink as I swirled it around my cup and sipped from it. I don't understand why she would be so upset. She's never had a deep connection with intercourse before. I wonder if she still had feelings for me.