Stutter [J.JK FF : Completed✔]

29. Bonfire

(A/n : The above pic is edited but ddaeng!)

Its been a few days since we have started the excersises. Jungkook improving ever since little by little. The kids have gotten really comfortable with me now. Seokjin, Hoseok and Taehyung are really good friends now. I help Miss Minjee daily with the chores.
Basically everything is good except this one little thing.

Jungkook has been kind of not staying near me or making any skin contact with me for some reason. Not in any dirty sense. Just general stuff.

There was no hand holding, no hugs, not even pecks on the cheeks, lips are a far off option.

Ofcourse we were talking. We would see each other the whole day specially for the excersises. Those were proceeding and improvement was noticeable.

But the change in his behaviour was noticeable too. He wouldn't hold me whole sleeping, wouldn't even come near. There was always a cold wall of air between us while we slept. He wouldn't face me while sleeping, his back would.

It had started to hurt at this point.

My brain not helping at all by over thinking. The voices whispering in my head and I couldn't help it. They wouldn't stop.

Has he lost interest?

Am I not good enough?

Am I not what he wanted?

Did I do something to make him mad?

Does he not love me anymore?

Was it something I said?

Did I hurt him?

Does he not like me?

Does he think I'm good for nothing too?

What happened to the random 'I love you' s during the day?

Is his love for me fading?

Am I really that worthless?

These same voice kept me up at night. Not letting me get a single drop of sleep sometimes.

My insecurities, questions all were eating me up alive- they were suffocating me. Not letting me breath.

Why?

Just why?

I couldn't even help the silent tears trail down over the bed at night, my heart being squeezed painfully and the sobs being suppressed.

Did I tell anyone?

No...

How could I?

I didn't want to trouble anyone here and this is how I had grown up. Burying the pain deep inside with a bright smile and letting the pain out at night with silent tears.

That's exactly how I had spent my twenty years of existence.

I hated it- yet I was so habituated to it... It felt safe. I felt a little better knowing I'm not putting the weight of my problems on someone else's shoulders and troubling them.

"Hyung Jae are the sweets done?"

I snapped back to reality and looked at Miss Minjee.

"I'm sorry- I was a little too deep in thought. What did you ask Miss Minjee?" I asked with wide eyes.

She chuckled lightly while shaking her head.

"I said, are the sweets done?" she asked.

"Oh- yeah yeah they're all ready" I pointed at the freshly made sweets.