Stutter [J.JK FF : Completed✔]

37. Deserve

(A/n -If you are sensitive to the topic of self harm or suicidal thoughts then do not read this chapter. I in no means want to promote the idea of suicide and things like it is the way to get rid of your problems. Life is precious, please do not do self harm and think about suicidal things.)

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Shutting the door with a bang, I fell to the ground.

It hurt.

It hurt so bad. The pain was unbearable. It was like I couldn't even breath. Even breathing hurt.

I felt disgusted a my existence. I felt the need to finish all this. I didn't want to endure the pain any more.

It was killing me mentally. It felt like I'll go mad at any moment. I looked around with teary eyes.

That's when I eyes fell upon it.

A bowl of fruits.

With a knife.

The first thought that I had on seeing it was freedom.

Freedom from this body. This world.

Freedom from Father.

Freedom from this so called 'Princess tag'.

But those thoughts were interrupted by something else.

Jimin.

He would never accept it.

He would be alone.

But- I'd stay with his like Namjoon Oppa right?

If stay here. By his side. Not physically but I'd be here. That's fine too right?

It seemed so right and wrong at the same time.

I knew it was a sin. If you can't give life, you can't take one either but I couldn't think straight.

I was so done with hurting people, this seemed to be the best option.

Specially when voices in my were all screaming the same things.

He hates you.

You should die.

He wishes for your death.

You don't deserve to live.

You should leave so that others can live happily.

You're so selfish. Because of you people get hurt and you are still living?

You hurt him too. How many more people do you want to hurt?

Are you done making people suffer because or your existence or nah?

"STOP!" I screamed while covering my ears.

"Just leave me alone!" I mumbled as more tears made their way down my face.

I moved towards the fruit bowl which had fruits and a knife in it.

I picked it up with trembling hands.

Yes, that's right. Now go. Do it.

I looked at the knife, then my left wrist and back again at the knife.