i can't help it.
my fingers continue to tremble as my heart throbs a little more,
all the terror, all the words, they're haunting me as i send the last single message.
they've hurt me too much, they're made no effort in reaching out.
all of the horror that i've feared intensifies as i read letter after letter.
all of the memories that we've shared goes to vain as i realize how gone i really am to them.
what had i expected? that they would actually think i matter?
i'm just the friend who went a little few kilometres away,
i'm just another friend they've seen walk away,
i'm just another friend who never really mattered much in their eyes,
i'm just the friend who needed a friend but never really got one.
now i can't type this poem. or if it was even a poem.
tears just began to rub in my sunken eyes when the pain hardens and hardens in me. now i really got no one.
now there's nothing to look forward to but the emptiness that i caused myself.
now there's only shame, guilt, and i'm not really sure if i had done the right thing.
now i won't ever find that part of myself that i've loved so much.
now i'm just the girl who eats alone in lunch breaks.
who seems to always want to say something but have no one to tell it to.
who hovers around, hoping to break apart and just never appear.
who looks like a loner who never really fit in anymore.
i don't know what is going to happen now.
but i sure know that i'll only get lonelier as i breathe my next breath.
