i can feel it all fade,
walking backwards,
away from me,
into the crowd,
into the woods,
disappearing behind trees and bodies.
i find no determination to ever be happy again.
i find no determination to test the waters,
to be wrong and not right,
to be lost and never found,
to step outside the line and feel newness empower.
i don't speak,
and when i do,
i lie.
i don't smile,
and when i do,
it hurts my cheeks.
i don't hug anyone,
and when i do,
my arms don't fully enclose their body.
i don't write poetry,
because when i do,
i never find my whole self in it anymore.
