Mental-Taekook

~22~

Trigger warnings:

Heated scene

~Taehyung~
It's so cliche, but it feels like a dream, like this isn't reality, my body-my soul isn't used to feeling this way, it's like my life has been flipped over completely, and I don't know if I hate it or not, it's llhurting my brain,-it's hurting my brain to know, that he's reliant on me now, that the whole world is going to know I've gone soft

I'm not soft, I can't be, I loose my protection if I'm soft, I loose everything I ever worked for, everything I ever killed for, people will start writing blogs about me, some sort of fan page, I hate it.

People will think me of a hero, because he saved his 'boyfriends' life, yet when I look at him, all I can think about it how yoongi just kissed him, and there's a part of me, that's curious if he still likes him, jimin says feelings don't die that easily, which is why there's a small part of him that wants to forgive yoongi, he's pinning it on confusion- built up tension and anger, I know of the feelings Jungkook had, or even still has for yoongi,

And it somewhat hurts to think about, it hurts to know that perhaps Jungkook did kiss him back, I've been through this all before, I can't go through all that pain again, I fucking can't.

I gripped the steering wheel harder, the idiots had left the keys in, so I stole their car, I think I've drove past my apartment once or twice already, but my thoughts keep distracting me, like a never ending cycle, but I know the only way to put my thoughts away, is to end them.

And the only way to do that, is something that hasn't worked out once, that doesn't need to happen just yet,

They're trying to diagnose me, the officer had left his radio on,yoongi was talking about it, saying I needed help,  I say good luck to them, because there's no way in fucking hell im going to sit there and talk about my feelings, when I don't even know what they are myself, I can't share that with anyone else,

I tapped my head again and again, shut up Taehyung, you're going to show weakness Taehyung, you're going to get hurt Taehyung, all because Jungkook still likes yoongi, and you're falling for him, and you're falling quick,

The words cut deeper than a knife, and I need him to bring me back to life, I have this gut feeling that I'm going to go under, but I'm going to make it out alive, If he stops thinking of yoongi as his lover, and moves on,

I parked the car, opening the door and getting out, I watched as he tried to do the same, there was a part of me, who found it almost amusing to watch, but the majority was telling me to help, I sighed, walking to the other side of the car, opening the door fully, and carrying him once again, bridal style,

I walked us into the building, giving the worker a nod, as I got into the lift, heading to the top floor, there's only me who lives on the top floor, because there's mysterious rumours that it's haunted, i smirked as I thought of how they started, well to be fair, someone did die, there's just no ghost, because what happens when you die-well your soul goes too, just another social construct people like mediums made up, to create money in a world that looks for hope, that it gets better, but it doesn't,

I opened my door, gently putting him down on my sofa, thoughts in the back of my head, just wanted to leave him there, helpless and stranded, these evil thoughts keep rushing in- they always do this- whenever I find someone...or something that disregards them-that makes me realise I don't need them, they try to take over, and it's hard to fight, it almost impossible to fight, but I've never fought so hard until now,