Roadtrip Oneshots (BxB)

empty • randy

IMPORTANT: THIS CONTAINS EATING DISORDERS AND SEVERE SELF-HATE! PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE OR EASILY TRIGGERED BY THIS SORT OF STUFF

IN NO WAY AM I SUGGESTING THAT ANY OF THE BOYS, ESPECIALLY ANDY, HAVE EATING DISORDERS; THIS IS FICTION SO PLEASE DONT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUSLY

I've spent a long time researching and writing the oneshot so please appreciate lol.

dedicated to my bestie Maibaemusic04 because she wouldnt leave me alone until i wrote her one-

-x-

Mirror Mirror on the wall,
Tunnel vision on the flaws.

Staring at my body, I sighed, poking at my stomach. I twisted around trying to look at it from a different angle, but to me it all looked the same. I couldn't take my eyes off everything that was wrong with me. My thighs were fat, my stomach was fat, my arms were devoid of any sort of muscle. My hair looked flat, my face and cheeks chubby. My eye's dull and boring. I didn't like the way I looked. Why couldn't I be as good looking as the rest of them. Rye, Mikey, Jack, Brooklyn. Why were they all so much better looking than me.

In the scale of things it's unimportant
So no talking but it's still an intrusive thought.

It was a cheat day. Brook and Mikey had gone out and bought us all pizza. We were sitting in mine and Mikey's room. Every time I went to eat, I couldn't help but feel like they were all staring at me, judging me, even though they were literally eating the same thing as me. I couldn't help but think they thought I was being a pig. I looked down at the pizza. It seemed to be taunting me. Daring me to eat more. 

Tried hard to correct it,
But nothing was effective

I stopped eating, closing the box of the pizza, looking anywhere but at my four best friends. Brook stared at me confused.

"Andy? Why did you stop?"

"I'm just not hungry..." I trailed off, biting the inside of my lip. I could feel Rye staring at me. I could feel him trying to meet my eyes. I had to avoid eye contact with him. He would be able to tell straightaway.

"Are you feeling ok? You've barely touched your food" Brook pressed on. I sighed, getting slightly irritated now.

"Brook It's nothing alright. I'll eat it tomorrow" I snapped. Brook muttered an apology, and shifted so he was leaning against Mikey again. The guilt started to flow over me. Why was I such an asshole? Brook had done nothing wrong...

Things were desperate until the voice crept in
"I can help you, trust me, you're ready".
It seemed dangerous, but it said to have faith in it.

I rubbed my stomach gently. Why did my stomach suddenly seem much more bloated.  The voice was overpowering all the sound in the room. I couldn't concentrate on anything but the voice. It must be happening for a reason. Maybe I should listen. Maybe it really will help me. Maybe I can trust it.

"The secret is to just be Empty"
Didn't know if it was wise to listen, but what could it hurt to try.

I closed my eyes, excusing myself to the bathroom. All their eyes were on my staring at me as I left. I knew that they were silently judging me. After all, I refused to eat something that Brook and Mikey went out and payed for. How selfish was that. I walked into the bathroom, slamming the door shut. I gripped the sides of the sink, breathing heavily. I looked over to the toilet. The voice was urging me on to just throw up the little food I had to eat. I bit my lip and walked over, crouching down. I raised a hand to my mouth, and forced a finger down my throat. I had always had a bad gag reflex, so I immediately  started gagging. Repeating the process a few times, I finally threw up everything I had eaten today. I sighed in relief, falling backwards. I was shaking slightly, but i didn't care. I felt...almost lighter.