Roadtrip Oneshots (BxB)

episodes • jandy

tw: disassociative disorder.

-x-

the bags under Jack's eyes were the first sign that he had a rough night. I watched from a distance as he sluggishly moved around the kitchen, each action taking way longer than it should have and I knew today was going to be rough on him.

we had studio today and we had planned to do a bulk recording session so we could focus on the music videos over the next couple weeks.

"Jack?" I called out softly, making him turn and give me a huge false smile. I shook my head at him, letting him know that I could see through his act

"maybe you should go back to bed. you're exhausted" I pointed out, walking closer to him to take his hand in mine. he pulled it away, an almost cold look in his eyes

"m'fine fovvs. don't worry. it's only studio"

he turned, stalking out the kitchen, leaving me conflicted and worried

-x-

by the time dinner had rolled around that night, we had done 1 1/2 songs and still had another to go.

I took the headphones off and dagger down next to Sonny, all of us deciding to take an hours break before cracking back on.

conversation flowed but I couldn't take my eyes off Jack. his eyes were hazy and unfocused, he wasn't responding to the way Brooklyn was flinging his arms about next to him, when normally Jack would scold him and move away. he didn't even look like he was breathing.

I stood up, ignoring the looks from the other boys and crouched I front of Jack. hesitantly, I shook him arm. He didn't even flinch.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I shook him a little harder, calling his name but still I had no response from the younger boy.

"Andy...what's wrong with him" Brook asked, his voice timid and confused. I broke my eye contact away, looking over at the blonde and smiling.

"hey, it's ok Brook. he'll be fine"

suddenly, Jack jumped, snapping out of whatever daze he was in. he frowned, blinking a few times, almost as if he had completely forgotten where he was.

"Jack...hey, it me Andy. we're in the studio" I explained softly and calmly, trying not to show the panic in my voice.

he looked at me, his eyes were still completely unfocused. I gently took his arm and lead him out the studio and up to his room.

gently I push him toward his bed, climbing in beside him and pulling him into a hug. I knew I had to wait, so we laid there in silence, me tracing shapes on his forearm.

"sorry you had to see that.." Jack mumbled, his voice almost inaudible.

"what exactly...was that?"

"I...I black out sometimes. when my anxiety is high it's like my brain completely shuts itself off but my body is still there. kinda like I'm sleeping with my eyes open" Jack explained quietly.

"Is...is there away to help you through them? these blackouts?" I asked curiously, propping myself up so I could face him.

"no...not really. kinda just make sure I don't fully pass out or stop breathing really" he said, playing with his fingers. I wrapped my hand around his, smiling softly at him.

"hey. this doesn't change anything. I promise. I would never judge you for something you can't control"

at my words, a weight seemed to have been lifted off his shoulders as he pulled me into a tight hug, burying his in my neck.

"thank you fovvs."

-x-

for those unaware, disassociation disorder is the minds way of detaching itself from trauma and difficult emotions in order to protect itself. It is experienced differently by every person.

I have disassociation and for me, I have black outs where my mind just completely shuts itself off. I go into a sort of trance, but it like I'm asleep. I can go from a couple minutes to hours at a time in an episode, depending on what triggered me.

others feel like they are watching their body through a camera. Some have out of body experiences and some completely forget who they are.

If you want to know more, check out mind.org.uk and search for disassociation. It's much more deatailed in what happens.

This oneshot is based off my own experiences, so it might not be similar to what someone else experiences if they have it.

any negative comments will be deleted. I've opened up here. Don't make me regret it.

-Lauren xox