Roadtrip Oneshots (BxB)

alone• randy

tw: panic attack?¿ kinda thing?¿

song has nothing to do with the oneshot, i'm just in my tøp feels so pls appreciate tyler joeseph ty x
-x-

my fists clenched on the edge of the bathroom sink as i felt the familliar dread take a grasp on my chest.

heavy, shaking breaths exhaled from my lungs as i tried to control the swirling mess of dark, tantalizing thoughts tried to take over my mind.

heart beating so fast and hard, i feared that it would soon shatter my ribs in its attempt to escape.

legs shaking, feeling as if i had grown 100 pounds heavier and they were stuggling to support my weight.

eyes watering, but no tears ever falling down my face. i refuse to cry. i am strong. strong people dont cry.

all while the same scene kept playing over in my mind: her. with another man. kissing him, touching him, his clothes on her bedroom floor.

my whole world had come crashing around me as i realised that everything my childhood bullies had been telling me was right.

i was unloveable. uncared for. alone.

alone scared me out of the other negative words.

alone. alone.

alone meant my mind could play tricks on me. my paranoia would peak, my anxiety would crash over me like a wave over a boat, submerging me in memories i'd rather forget.

it was all in my head. i knew that and it terrified me how vividy imagination was.

alone. alone.

but somehow, i wasnt alone.

my light at the end of a tunnel, coaxing my hands off the sink, begging me to look at him as he gently guided me to his room.

my mouth clamped shut, the barriers immediately going up but i knew it was too late.

andy fowler always found a way through my barrier.

he pushed me down into his bed, soft sheets smelling of vanilla as he climbed in next to me, tracing patterens on my chest.

whispering words of encouragement, urging me to talk to him, even though he knew i was stubborn.

"you're not alone" he whispered gently, trying to get me out of my shell.

"i'm here for you. i'm not leaving you"

"you can trust me"

'but i can't' i wanted to tell him. warn him 'i can't trust. not even my own mind'

i found myself falling into his sweet words of encourgement, his inviting tone and i knew that he was the only person i would ever trust with my heart again.

-x-

idk what this is...

nightly thoughts with lauren eh?

dedicated to my wife, who is literally my rock. i love you baby. so so much ❤️

-Lauren xox