Parade

An Idiot Hero

This chapter has mentions of previous self-harm injuries, please do not read this chapter if that sort of thing bothers you!
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"Please! Tell me he'll be ok!" Johnathan pleaded with the doctors. He knew Sebastian would do something like this as soon as he believed someone was hurt. He'd run in and try to be a hero. A hero that possibly got himself killed.
"Mr. Patrick, he'll be just fine. The bullet didn't hit any major arteries, and since he's quite healthy he has that fighting on his side. If nothing goes wrong during his recovery Mr. Brown will live." The doctor explained. Oh, thank god! Sebastian's ok! "Can I visit him?" Johnathan asked, he knew what the answer would be though.
"Sadly, no. You can visit tomorrow but right now he needs his rest. He just got out of surgery after all." The doctor laughed a little, trying to lighten the mood. It helped a little. Then Eden came out of her room, gripping her crutches so tightly that Johnathan thought she'd break them, and tried to walk over to him. The doctor turned his attention to her and ushered her back to bed. Johnathan was the only person in the group who's family didn't come to the hospital to check on him. So, he sat on a bench, watching others interact with their families. Not allowed to even see the one person in the world whom he loved with all of his heart.
He's made up his mind. He'll leave with Sebastian. He'll leave this unfair place for a chance to live happily. Then Sebastian's mother arrived, she was in a panicked frenzy, not good for other patients around. Johnathan got up and pulled her down onto a bench, and explained what happened. She calmed down a little, but she also wanted to see her son, her son who was shot.
"You'll see him when he's out of Intensive care tomorrow, ok?" Was Johnathan's final sentence to Sebastian's mother. After a few minutes of waiting she left. Johnathan just stared at a wall, brain blank, not scared, but numb. Numb to the ache in his heart that didn't wish to fade. He felt like he was dropped into an empty, inescapable void. Without his boyfriend to pull him out. Without his friends to pull him out. Eden on bed rest, Sebastian shot, and Thomas at home, doing whatever he does. Johnathan wanted control over his life. He felt that familiar feeling. That voice in his head telling him how to get control.
He snapped a rubber band on his wrist, it hurt, yeah, but it made the voice go away. He had to show the voice he was in charge. He looked at the three faded scars on his wrist. All from losing control over his life, when his sister was sent away, he felt like this, that's where they all came from. When his sister went to conversion therapy. He needed her back, he needed control over something since he had no say in her leaving.
He snapped the rubber band again. He was spiraling. Hour after hour he felt himself spiral or want control so he hit himself with the rubber band.
It was morning. He'd stayed there all night. No one had the heart to tell him to leave. Eden snuck out of her room and sat down with him earlier but, they never exchanged words. Just a worried glance over to Johnathan. Eden left shortly after that. Then, he was allowed to see Sebastian when the hospital opened. Johnathan got up and walked to Sebastian's room, put a hand on his and pleaded.

"Don't go away babe, I love you."