Let me tell you

Chapter 17

It's crazy when you think something is wrong with someone, but that person is just happy and enjoying life. Last few days I'm listening the same song over and over again and I'm waiting to go home. This week was the last week we were here in this doomed rehabiliatation center. I packed all my stuffs and just waited for tomorrow. Even though I didn't know what I am going to do with my life or where I will go. Last time I saw my dad was when he was here and that was the last time I spoke with him. I know he is now the only family left, but on the other side I have Theo, although I don't know what is going to happen with us and I don't want to think about it. It's sad that maybe tomorrow will be our last goodbye. Maybe we will never see each other again. The whole afternoon I was just lying in my bed and thinking. Zoe was outside with Aiden and I don't know where was Theo. To be honest I need some time alone. I think it's going to be better and I'm going to find a soulution for our incoming problems. I look at my night stand desk and saw Poe's fairytales.

'' Very nice, Edgar's fairytales are very interesting, so honest, brutal and dark .. like me now. I think this is going to help me now.'' I said it outloud. '' Oh my God I am talking with myself. What's wrong with me? '' I asked myself even though I knew I'm not going to get an answer. I opened the book and the first qoute I saw was ''I have been too deeply conscious of the mutability and evanescence of temporal things, to give any continuous effort to anything-to be consistent in anything. My life has been whim-impulse-passion-a longing for solitude-a scorn of all things present, in an earnest desire for the future." Maybe my life is like this quote. Maybe I don't know what I want. Maybe, someday I'm going to know what I want but that will be to late. When my dad said to me that he loved me no matter what and he is willing to stand up for me, I knew I had someone who loved me. This time I'm ready for life and I promise myself that no matter what I'm not going back. I'm not going to be old me. I promised this, now and forever. I only see happy colours.

It was midnight when I went to bed. While I was heading to the bed I didn't call Theo because I thought he needed space with all of this. Our last days here, not knowing where and how are we going. I just sended a simply message. ''Sweet dreams baby no matter where you are. xx'' I sent him two kiss like always. But I couldn't stop thinking how he was so distant. He wasn't talking so much and we went so ahed with our future. When he come here I need to talk to him. I think he is going to be here in the morning.

When I fall asleep alone in my bed I didn't know I would dream again the same nightmare. The worst thing was that I was there and I knew where I was and I knew that was just a dream but I couldn't wake up. In a matter of second someone shooked me. When I opened my eyes everything was blurry and I couldn't see a thing. After few minutes when everything was normal, I looked to my right and see concered Theo looking at me. We were silent. Nobody spoked for quite some time.

''Are you alright?'' He asked me. The smile on my lips started to dance. Everything is better when he is here. I hugged him so tight. And spoke in his chest.

'' Now I'm alright.'' I stand up with him and looked him in the eyes.

''Where were you? I was so scared that something might happened to you. I love you and I can't lose you. '' I was talking fast, '' I will understand if you don't want me to te -'' I couldn't finish because his lips found mine. Yeah, I know. He did this just to stop me from talking. When we stop kissing he lift my head and talked back.

''Now, everything is fine, I'm here and I'm telling you this because I went to someone from my past. I didn't want you to be so scared for me. I know how to protect myself but I was fine all the way. By the way I really liked your message. I love you.''

Then bam. The room started to spinn around. Did I heard this right? Did he said those three words that no one ever told me that? My heart started beating so hard I thought my heart is going to jump out of my body.

'' Can you please repeat that?'' I asked him.

'' I love you and I won't stop saying that to you.'' He confessed. My heart was dancing like when you dance on the rain. I love him too, I really do.

''Then guess what?'' I smiled at him and he answered me with a short what.

'' I guess I love you too.'' I joked.

'' Do you guess or do you know that you love me?'' He asked again.

'' I love you dummie. You are not so bright I see.''

He acted like he was hurt. '' Well that's because of you. '' Low blow I need to say.

* * *

'' ''We look in the mirror, and instead of seeing who we are, we see what we are not. That's what society train us to think. Look into the mirror and fully see yourself. For you. It's not your business what other people think about you.'' I started to reading this quote. '' I didn't understand how is this possible to be in so much pain inside and not be sick. I guess someone can't understand that, but I asure you that every people on this world at some point was struggling with some kind of mental problems. I guess sometimes we need to train ourselves to be who we are no matter what society think of us. Someday we are going to be alone in this world, so don't be afraid of it to walk it alone.'' I pointed my index finger in the air.

I was giving our last speech in this center. The day has comed when we need to say goodbye to ourselves and to others. It's hard to think that after this everything is changing. I can see my friends from up here. Aiden is sitting behind Zoe and Theo is sitting with her. Aiden couldn't sit with her, because nobody beside us know about their relationship.

'' After this today, we are going to be new persons with new charachters but in the heart we remain. We maybe changed our act from outside and we changed the way of solving our problems, but we are not going to scare away our old selves, but we need to fight with it. I want to thank you everyone for this amazing opportunity to standing here and be the main act at this closing ceremony, but I understand what we were before we come here. Let's just not make the demons from our past hunt as now. Thank you.'' I finished and step aside of the desk where I was talking. I guess this is it. This is where we are saying pur last goodbye to everyone.

I still need to think where to go. With Theo to his new apartment where is he rooming with Aiden or home to my father. Today he couldn't make it because he was working, but I understand. He changed. He called me yesterday and he told me everything. He has been divorced for a week now and he is living alone in one-room apartmant. I think that everything we suffered was because of my mum. And I understand. He is a new man just like I'm the new woman. I even told him about Theo. He is happy that I found someone who loves me no matter what.

Once my own author who is writing my life said '' Love can be a real feeling, but on the other hand love is a dieses. We don't have a cure for it. When it hits you, then it hits you. You don't have a way back. '' But I understand that. The love shoot me when I wasn't ready, but then I remember myself one year ago. I didn't cared about anything. Now I know I need to protect my life because I have someone to breath for.

I think I got my answer now. Theo I love you and I can't wait to share my joy with you. Keeping up with Kardashians are waiting for us at home.