𝑹𝑼𝑰𝑵 𝒀𝑶𝑼

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕺𝖓𝖊

4 Months Later-( After Epilogue)
~Play Song In MM~

"Are you even listening?" Alyssa snapped.

I slowly looked over to her with a bored expression, not even attempting to hide my disinterest.

"Are you going to continue to make the same dumb decisions?" I asked seriously.

Her expression turned appalled, I even sensed a small amount of hurt.

The rest of the drive was silent, she didn't speak, I didn't speak, the only thing that could be heard was my engine.

Once we approached her house I let out a sigh, "look I'm sorry alright, I didn't mean to snap on you like that." I apologized.

It was now her turn to wear the bored expression, "are you?" She squinted.

"You've been a complete dick these last couple of months, you've ran everyone away, even Apunda. I wanted to prove her wrong, to prove that the Joshua we knew wasn't gone." She ranted.

"He's not gone, I haven't changed." I said defensively.

She rolled her eyes before speaking again, "we both know that isn't true. In fact, we both know why that isn't true."

I sent her a hard glare as the silence engulfed us again.

"Joshua it's time to move on..." she started.

"stop." I shook my head.

"No I'm serious, you need to hear this, Im your friend and it hurts me to see you this way."

"stop." I repeated.

"Pushing everyone away, neglecting yourself, all because—"

"Stop!" I said more sternly.

"All because he left."  She said sadly.

Once again that familiar pain in my chest returned, my heart began to thump as I held back impending tears.

"Jos-"

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!!" I exploded.

She gasped sharply before quickly exiting the car, she walked up her drive way and looked back at me sympathetically, "Seriously Joshua....get some help." With that she walked through her front door leaving me in incomplete silence.

My car being the only company I had, I sighed to myself and pulled down my overhead mirror. Although I was stressed I didn't look it, the only thing that had changed about me as the numerous amounts of new tattoos that littered my body.

We all dealt with pain in different ways.

I finally started driving, I felt like I was on auto pilot as my mind felt blank and my vision kept still.

Honestly nowadays I was convinced I didn't have a true heart, just another organ pumping blood through my body.

A heart required empathy and that was now something I lacked.

I just didn't feel sorry anymore, I didn't feel at all. Why would I want to when I just continuously get hurt.

When I continuously get abandoned.

Two Lovers

Two heart breaks

One common denominator, me. Maybe I was the issue right?

Yea, That has to be it , no one could love the broken doctor.

A loud horn shook me out of my thoughts, my eyes widened and I quickly swerved. I had been driving so aimlessly that I was on the opposite side of the rode.

Had I been unaware for even a second longer I wouldn't suffered from a head on collision.

Once I got home and parked my car and took a deep breath. I'd been zoning out a lot more lately, allowing my thoughts to control me, devour me.

I often zoned out for minutes becoming unaware of everything around me. Which, wasn't particularly safe.

But once again, I didn't care. I couldn't care

I finally got out of my car, waking into my prison of a home.

Stained with bad memories and regrets, eeit was hell to sleep in. Yet despite that it's where I spent most of my time.

A Month after the incident I quit the facility, working there was a constant reminder so I quit. The money I had in my bank account was enough to keep me sustained for a couple of years so funds wasn't an issue.

I hung up my jacket and walked slowly over to my kitchen.

I had a small bag of weed I kept in one if my drawers so that's where I went. That's where I often went.

You know what's better than feeling everything?

Feeling nothing at all.

I did my usual routine before slamming down on my couch and inhaling the smoke.

I let it burn at my lungs before releasing.

That familiar high began to come over me allowing me to forget all those memories that tormented me.

I grabbed my remote and turned on my tv, I skimmed through a bunch of channels before stopping on one.

It was on of the Batman movies , I decided to just let it play in the background until I fell asleep.

"They're only as good as the world allows them to be. You'll see- I'll show you. When the chips are down these, uh, civilized people? They'll eat each other. See I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve."

"Yea ain't that the truth." I mumbled to myself,
Even after all these years this movie was still right, people had a resigning problem simply being people.

We'd rather watch the world burn than pick up a stick and build it.

People ruin everything.

I started to feel hungry so I returned back to the kitchen. After taking out the left over pancit, I made my way upstairs instead of back over to the couch.

I sat down on my bed with a grunt and ate, my reflection showing me a glimpse of myself with the only description coming to mind being pathetic.

Physically I was the same, but mentally I was ruined. I couldn't even say I was a shell because I don't ever remember feeling whole.

And to think the moment I did I was left feeling worse than ever, hurt by somebody I should've known better than to trust.

I'm not a victim of a sociopathic man whose touch warmed me and eyes trapped me

I'm a victim of a lonely,broken man who never learned his lesson about trust....I'm a victim of myself.