𝑹𝑼𝑰𝑵 𝒀𝑶𝑼

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕹𝖎𝖓𝖊

Flashback to Ruin Me

"You keep tellin me that this Anchor is who I need to think 'bout, 'hol onto and whatever, but you just keepin missin the biggest fact, the person I'm holding onto is You. Your my anchor, Not my doctor, But the person I think about when everything goes red."

I stared at him un-sure of what to say, words wouldn't form, my mind had completely gone blank.

"I-I," I stuttered like a fool, completely at a loss.

He licked his lips and looked down at mine before speaking again

"You the one makin these days livable." He said as he leaned in.

I sat still as his lips found mine. Before I knew it I found myself kissing back, my hands found there way to his face, cupping each side.

We finally broke away only to catch our breath.
My lips were swollen and pink from the kiss while Clarence simply licked his again,

"You make me feel like I'm worth saving..."

~

I woke up in a cold sweat, chest rising and falling from my heaving.

Lately my dreams had been memories in the form of nightmares.

Makes no sense at all, because in all honesty I couldn't explain it myself. 

It was beyond midnight and I sat in completely darkness, I wasn't scared to sleep. I just didn't want to think about those things.

I laid back down, eventually beginning to dose off into another memory.

"Clarence why do you seem to hide the truth behind that smile." I asked blatantly.

"Why do you hide yours behind this job." He caught me off guard. He was starting, trying to get in my head.

"Your doing it now.." I squinted.

"So are you.." he smirked

This time when my eyes shot open I didn't panic, I didn't sit up in a fit of confusion either. I calmed myself and came to the realization that Freya was right.

If I was gonna get over him, I needed to get with somebody else.

I lay still and silent on my bed as the morning sun bled through my curtains. I wasn't tire—more anxious actually.

The person I was and the person I had become were two different people.

I had built up this wall around my heart. Even convincing myself that to protect it I had to pretend I didn't have one.

I'd looked in the mirror a thousand times since then and not once did I truly see myself.

I've taken a million breaths, yet I feel as lifeless as ever.

I laid in bed for what felt like forever before finally calling Alyssa.

"I need your help." I stated without even greeting.

"Wow, your actually asking for help, you feeling ok?" She joked.

"Listen love bird I'm serious." I said flatly

"Fine, What is it?" She chuckled.

"My sister approached me about dating again, and I was kinda giving it a thought." I spoke.

I received a loud gasp in response before loud shuffling.

"I've been telling you that for how many months!" She said loudly.

"Yeah, but things are different when they come from your family" I explained.

She muttered a low "mhmm" then spoke again, "well you already know that I agree, in fact I'll even help your sister set it up."

"Set it up?" I questioned.

"Clearly it's gonna be a blind date, you've barley stepped outside of your house these last few months." She explained.

I straight faced her then groaned, " I don't know man, this is how people get murdered, Dating strangers."

She gave me a face that read, "come on now" dragging a resentful nod out of me.

"What's her number?" She asked.

"Who my sister, why?"

"If we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it right." She clapped.

I shook my head and slowly recited the number to her.

"perfect," She said once I was done, " talk to you In 15." She kissed before hanging up on me.

I stared at my phone, appalled before getting up and running down stairs to fix myself some food.

I stared down at my morning wood in annoyance. I hadn't had sex in months, not even masturbated. I'm sure by now the wind could make the slightest sound and I'd get a boner.

I let it go down naturally as I made myself food, I grabbed my phone while it cooked and called my sister.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Yea Josh." Alyssa said,

I contorted my face in confusion before speaking, "my bad I meant to call Freya."

"You did," Frey spoke, "it's three way buddy. Right on time to be exact."

"Yea, we got you a date!" Alyssa screeched.

"It's literally been like 10 minutes." I grimaced.

"Well it's a blind date, it's easier to set up honestly." Freya revealed.

"Well who is it?" I asked without thinking.

"Josh, that's LITERALLY the blind part." Alyssa said sarcastically.

Before I could give her a sarcastic reply of my own my phone vibrated in my hand.

The name across my screen made my eyes widen disturbingly.

"I gotta go." I said, not even allowing them to reply.

"Detective?" I answered.

"Yes, Joshua?," he paused, "We need you to come down to the station....to identify a body."