𝑹𝑼𝑰𝑵 𝒀𝑶𝑼

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕿𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊

"SKKRRRR"

The screeching sound of my tires coming to a stop caused me to grimace.

My chest rose and fell from my heaving breaths.
Beads of sweat trickled their way down my forehead leaving stocking sensation in their path.

"Joshua! josh!" Alyssa yelled through the phone.

"Yea I'm here." I said lowly, voice still a little hoarse.

"Jesus Christ," she let out a small sigh, "I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack."

I stayed silent as she caught her breath, I'm sure I was suppose to feel some emotion at this moment. But I felt nothing, almost sociopathic, I felt like I didn't even have a heart.

I don't know why I stopped, if I was happy I stopped, or why I wanted to keep going.

Had I been driven that far over the edge?

Was I completely gone?

"Joshua...." Alyssa started, "I love you to death, but you need help love." She said sympathetically.

I looked at my phone with a blank face, filled from head to toe with a numb sensation.

"I know..." I spoke softly.

She was right, not only because of what I just tried to do, but because I'd do it again.

"Josh I don't understand, please don't take this the wrong way but, I understand you loved him,But what he's done to you. Ever since he left you've been spiraling. I don't get it, you only knew him for months yet you carry the burden of heartbreak like you were married." She explained.

Rather that snapping like I usually did, I actually explained myself. I knew she wanted to help, she just didn't know how.

"It's not just him, it's the fact that when I put my all into someone they always leave, They always let me down.

My sister left when I needed her most, Pharaoh left when I thought he was the one, and him, he left after I caved in to the worst parts of myself just to love him."

"Alyssa I know what's wrong with me. I'm ruined, ruined by those that I loved the most." That last sentence dripped with pain, I hung up and sent her a "don't worry" text before driving back home.

The long drive back was just as tormenting as the shower afterwards.

Tears streamed down my face mixing with the water.

"Don't blame yourself." His familiar voice echoed through my mind.

"How?," I spoke to myself, "I blame you for leaving, but myself for still loving you." I croaked.