Hell hath no fury like the devil in love.

Chapter Thirtyseven

~ Two days later ~

Nalani

Holding Zay close to my body, I rocked him back and forth as we silently watched cartoons in my bedroom. Isaiah had been my only sense of comfort for these past six weeks. Everything about him reminded me of Tyson and so I kept him near at all times, trying to hopelessly close the emptiness I was feeling inside. Not only that but I had also felt a newfound sense of strong protective instincts over my son. Like any mother, the need to protect your child is a natural feeling but since Tyson was arrested I had barely let my son out of my sight.

The reason being was because Isaiah was literally a product of Tyson and I felt like if Ty didn’t make it out of this, I had to hold on the one thing that came from him. The fear of losing them both had me literally going crazy but unfortunately no matter what anyone said or did, that feeling wouldnt go away.

Now snuggled up on Tysons side of the bed, like we had been doing for the past six weeks, I tried to fall asleep though like always it seemed like an impossible task. To go from having someone to wrap yourself around every night, to suddenly nothing at all was a cruel reminder that I may never get to sleep in his arms again. I missed him, I missed him so much that I didnt want to keep living without him and if it hadnt been for Isaiah, Im sure I would have given up already.

The sound of the bedroom door opening caused me look up and find Briana peeking her head in with a sympathetic smile. Gesturing with my head for her to come in, she quietly shut the door before tiptoeing around the bed and climbing in on the side I usually slept on. Fluffing the pillow, she brought it next to mine before resting her head and snuggling up to my side.

Laying in silence as our attention was on the TV, Briana ran her fingers softly through Isaiahs hair until his eyes began to close. Conversations were now a rare occurrence within the house, or maybe just a rare occurrence around me. I found it hard to hold a simple conversation with anyone and even though they tried to get me to open up, I couldn’t find it in me to tell them how I felt.

I couldn’t speak to anyone about it because no one knew what I was feeling and they just possibly couldn’t understand. How do you tell your best friends that you no longer want to live, if he gets 25 to life? How do you explain to them that it physically hurt to breath because you hadn’t seen his face in six weeks? Or how you refused to sleep without him holding you?

So many things I want to scream out, to vent and let them know that I feel like I’m dying but no one would understand, no one but him. Ten minute rushed phone calls weren’t enough, I needed more. I had so many questions for him, I needed him to tell me over and over again how much he loves me and most of all I needed him to just hold me. Laid out in bed, holding me while not saying a word. Thats whats I needed.

Feeling a tear roll down my cheek, Brianna noticed and instantly her own eyes swelled with tears. This was pretty much what happens on a daily bases, I cry without a word and Briana or Jasmine silently hold me as they shed their own tears.

"Can you come with me somewhere?", I whispered causing her to look up at me with shock as I barely mumble two words these days, let alone leave the house, "Of course I will", She said instantly, not even asking where we were going which I was thankful for. Looking down, I sadly smiled at Isaiah who had fallen asleep in my arms. Sitting up, I cradle him close to my chest and slipped off the bed so I could put him to sleep in his own room.

Heading to Isaiahs room, I made sure my baby boy was comfortable in his bed before kissing his cheek and covering him with his blanket. Placed on his bed side table was a picture of us three that was taken on easter morning. We were all cuddled together and had big grins on our faces thanks to the massive breakfast I had surprised them with that morning. A few weeks ago Zay had seen the picture in my photo gallery on my phone and asked if he could put it next to him so he had ‘daddy close’ to him as he slept.