red | e.d

fifteen

EDEN-JADE THURLOW

Ever since I got home from school, I had waited impatiently for the digits on my phone screen to turn to 7pm. I wanted to hear Ethan's explanation, hear his apology.

The doorbell rang and I jumped up from my sofa, regretting not telling him to come through the window when I remembered that he had never seen this part of my house before. It was a mess, and my mom wasn't even home right now. No one was, it was just me, and now Ethan, too.

I hesitantly opened the door to reveal Ethan, who stood under the pouring rain, his hair flat on his head. He looked adorable, his hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie as he shivered slightly, raindrops running down his skin.

I didn't say anything, I just stared at him for a few seconds before opening the door wider for him to enter. He didn't speak, either, though. Ethan nodded thankfully as he entered my home, trying to wipe his feet on the door mat, before he realised that we didn't even have one. I walked a few steps towards the kitchen, not wanting to see him take in the view of my unimpressive house.

However, when I turned around, leaning back against the countertop, I couldn't help but grow self conscious. Ethan's eyes skimmed my empty and messy house, a somewhat shocked look growing on his face. He didn't question me, but when his eyes met with mine, before trailing behind me to the counter top, where countless empty beer bottles laid, he got the picture. And boy, did it make me want to curl up into a ball and cry.

" So, what did you want to talk about? " I started, wanting to get the conversation over with.
I was hurt, in fact, I'd never felt so offended and in pain by what someone had said to me, ever. I'd heard a lot of nasty things, but hearing Ethan be the source of them broke my heart into thousands of tiny pieces. It was only confirming how much I cared about this boy, and any doubt that I didn't had vanished from my mind.

Ethan stayed several steps away from me, his hands remaining in his pockets. He was probably expecting to warm up a little bit by coming into my house, but I could tell that it only made him feel more cold. It was lifeless, empty and miserable. This place would never be a true home.

" I-I don't know what came over me, at the party. I was drunk, and I just- " Before the boy could finish I cut him off, exhaling deeply.
" Ethan, you were so much more than just drunk " I told the boy, awaiting his response.
Seeing Ethan so drunk and so cruel was almost more hurtful than the words that left his mouth. Although he knew nothing about my mother at that point, it bothered me. I didn't want to see anyone that I cared about in a state that even resembled the actions of my mother. She'd ruined me. She'd made me so weak in so many ways, but so strong in so many others.

I crossed my arms against my chest as Ethan stared back at me, confusion evident across his face.
" I was messed up, okay. I get it " He said quickly, clearly aggravated by my comment.
That was when I shook my head, feeling the need to cry. I didn't, though. Instead I let out a laugh of anger, something which caught Ethan's attention.
" But you don't fucking get it, Ethan! I live every day watching my own mom drink her life away, and seeing you like that killed me! I can't stand it! " I suddenly yelled, catching the boy off guard.
My breathing became heavy as I watched Ethan, his eyes soft and filled with guilt, as it suddenly hit him just how much our argument had gotten to me.

" I-I didn't know. I'm so sorry, Jade " He sighed after a while of silence, shaking his head as he spoke.
I took a few seconds to regain my composure before speaking, making sure that Ethan was listening to every single word I said.
" You called me selfish, Ethan. I've never once, been fucking selfish to you. When have I? " I spoke up again, silence following after my question.
Ethan didn't have any words, he knew that he was in the wrong. Everything that he had said to me was a lie, all said to get back at me for sleeping with his brother. That didn't even happen, though, and he knew that now. I bet he felt like an idiot.
" And to even believe that I would go behind your back with your own brother, just sums up how low you think of me "