red | e.d

FORTY-TWO | THE END

[ have the songs death with dignity by sufjan stevens and only by RY X ready :):) enjoy ]

EDEN-JADE THURLOW

The dress hung from the top of my bedroom door, hidden by the plastic cover. Just the sight of it was enough to make the pit of nerves in my stomach deepen, my mind going to places I didn't want it to.

I started to make up scenarios in my head, the thought of Ethan and I dancing, being in each other's arms for one last time before he leaves for LA, making my heart thump that little bit harder.

This was why I was afraid to feel things. I let myself fall, and then he's leaving in barely three days.

I heard my brother call my name from the small kitchen of my home and I instantly jumped up from my bed, following his voice. There he sat on a bar stool by the counter, countless sheets of paper sprawled out in front of him. I knew what this was about, making my way towards him without hesitation.

" So, the landlord says we need to be out in just under two weeks. She's been kind enough to hire a removal truck for us- " Alex told me, showing me the sheet of paper of which he had signed.
I nodded, getting a closer look.
" Have you found an apartment yet? "

I hadn't told Ethan, or anyone for that matter. But we were being kicked out of our house. Alex couldn't afford to pay the bills, and my mother didn't leave behind anything, so we had no other choice. I was not about to leave my brother to fend for himself while I lived up a lavish holiday in LA with Ethan, so instead of going to college, or going with him, I had already applied for countless jobs. We were going to find a cheap apartment, and I was going to work. I was going to do anything I could.

" Maybe. It's cheap but we need to view it, obviously. I was thinking sometime next week " Alex suggested, and I instantly agreed.
We needed somewhere quickly, and so we were going to have to settle with whatever we could get the soonest.

It fell silent in the living room and I couldn't help but let my eyes roam around the house that I had grown up, the terrible memories filling my head. So much had happened here, so much hurt had been caused. But surprisingly, some of the good memories shined through. I didn't want to move.

A few months ago, I would have told anyone I would do anything to get out of this damn house. My mother was a raging alcoholic, and I hadn't come home once in as long as I could remember, to see something other than her lifeless looking body, slumped on the couch. The embarrassment of small things like taking out the trash, beer bottles all that the bags contained. The feeling of knowing that at the end of the day, unlike most people, I wasn't going home. I wasn't going to a place where I could wind down, or rest. I was going home to a building filled with my deepest secrets, and the monstrosity of my life that I had left behind in the morning.

Now, I would say otherwise. All of those reasons are still there, but now that my mom is no longer lying slumped on the couch with a bottle of liquor resting on her chest, I see it differently. I see the time that my mother wasn't like that, when my family felt normal. I see the times that Ethan and I watched movies all night in my bedroom, or where Mackenzie and I's friendship had started to mend.

For so long I had pushed everyone away because of the humiliation of telling them the truth, that this, was my life. And I was just starting to overcome that.

This was, and I knew it now, my home.

" When're you going to start getting ready for prom? It starts in like, a few hours, right? " Alex interrupted my thoughts, standing up from the wooden bar stool, and beginning to organise the papers in front of him into a pile.
I shrugged, glancing up at the clock, which was hanging at a slant on the wall.
" Mackenzie and Katie are coming over any minute, to get ready " I began, feeling my heart rate picking up when on cue, I hear the rumbling of the car engine pulling up on the drive " I don't even think I want to go, anymore "