red | e.d

twenty seven

EDEN-JADE THURLOW

" I got suspended " Was the first thing I said when I arrived at my house, my brother standing at the door, waiting to hear all about what had happened.
No words could describe the look of annoyance that had arisen when I said this, as he closed the front door, covering his face with his hands.

I didn't even wait around to listen to his complaints,
instead I walked straight past him, towards my bedroom. I slammed the door shut behind me out of anger and jumped onto my bed, my face hitting the pillows, making them bounce slightly.

I tried to calm down my already pounding heartbeat, steadying my breaths by breathing in and out slowly, like I had been taught years ago. The feeling of discomfort in my chest had arisen, although it had been there all day, but now, it was making an appearance. Preventing it was always the hardest part, my sweaty hands shaking as I ran them through my hair. I didn't want to go through this now, not when I felt like I was filled with adrenaline only thirty minutes ago. The adrenaline that was there because I was going to see Ethan.

That's exactly how my life was. One minute I'm happy with the people I love, and the next I'm alone, crying, losing control. There was never an in between.

My attempt to soothe my lightheadedness failed and the next thing I knew I had sat up straight, my back against the headboard as I placed my head in my hands. I curled my legs up into a ball, my vision going dizzy as I inhaled sharper breaths, struggling to hold everything back.

I hadn't had a real panic attack since I was young. I felt like a helpless little girl again.

My breathing was louder than I thought, and soon enough my bedroom door had burst open, footsteps coming towards me. I didn't even look up, all I knew was that somebodies arms had wrapped around me, a calm but also panic filled voice echoing through my ears. Everything was so loud, so present. It was as if the walls of the room were closing in on me, trapping me inside of them as they got smaller and smaller.
" Take slow, deep breaths, Jade. I'm here " Luke told me, bringing me towards him and running his hands up and down my back.
The thought of how he even got here didn't bother to cross my mind, my brain practically aching, pounding in my head.

I was losing everything, all over again. I had a feeling that Ethan really was done with me this time, I just knew it. First my mom, and now him.

Is it bad that my heart was desperately trying to cling onto Ethan, the boy who taught me so much more about myself, over my god damn mother?

My brother rushed in soon after, the two of them trying their best to calm me down, to pull me from the nightmare I couldn't escape.
" You're okay, just breathe " Luke said again, his words making my heart squeeze even more.

four years ago

" I don't give a fucking shit, okay? I'll fucking tear this place down with my god damn hands, if I have to! " My dad seethed, his voice loud as he smashed the empty beer bottles off of the table, the glass shattering against the ground.
Alex tried to stop him, his desperate pleads not enough to destroy the monster within him, as he grabbed a hold of my mother, wrapping his hand around her throat.
" We're selling this dump, and I'm paying him. You got it?!? " He yelled at her, my breathing increasing as I stood in the corner of the room, frozen still.

My mom tried to wriggle from his grip, her lips agape as she struggled to find a breath, kicking her legs desperately. However, he only let go when my sixteen year old brother grabbed him by his collar, the fear in his voice as clear as day.
" You're killing her! Stop! " Alex begged, eventually pulling him off of my mom, in just enough time for her to let out a large, shaky breath.

That wasn't it, though. My brother received a punch to the face, my dads fist hitting his already swollen lip, from the night before. He'd had to come up with countless excuses for the black eyes and bruises over the years, but this was it. He'd lost it.

I felt helpless as I watched my brother and father fight right before my eyes, my fathers strength too much for Alex to handle. He threw him to the floor, my mother trying to drag him off of her son.

My head started to feel faint and within seconds my legs did too, my body falling weak as I slipped down the side of the wall. The sound of my arm colliding with the glass table was what caught my mother's attention, her eyes widening when she saw me panting, tears streaming from the sides of my eyes. I had no clue what was happening, but it truly felt like I was going to die.

For a second, I wished I was.

" You're okay, baby, just breathe " My mom's calm voice filled my ears as she arrived at my side, pulling me into her, the sound of my brother's yells and my fathers punches sounding through the room.
She didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around me, cradling me like I was something so fragile, afraid that I would break at the slightest of touch.
" You're okay "

My hand gripped onto Luke's arm and I buried my head into his chest, my cries calming down when the familiar scent of his cologne entered my senses. I was most likely leaving marks from how hard I was holding onto him, not wanting to let go. I didn't want to be left alone. In fact, I was terrified of it.

I may have acted like I hated everyone, or everything. Or that being alone, away from everyone that could possibly hurt me, was what I needed to stay sane. But in reality, it was my greatest fear.

My cries stopped and all that was left was my heavy breathing, my grip on my bestfriend loosening as he collapsed next to me, on my bed. He brought me into his arms, my tears dampening his t shirt, but he didn't care. If there was anyone who had been there for me throughout absolutely everything, no matter how big of an asshole I'd been, it was him.

" She's dying- And E-Ethan hates me- " I tried to explain, knowing that Luke deserved an explanation.
However, all he did was cut me off, shaking his head as he laid by my side, his hand stroking up and down my arm comfortingly. I let out a breath as he did this, already feeling somewhat at ease just by his presence.
" You don't need to explain anything to me, I just want you to be okay "