red | e.d

thirty three

EDEN-JADE THURLOW

The car ride was silent, the sound of the wheels cracking against the gravel catching my attention. I looked out of the window after staring down at my hands, the corners of my lips daring to tug upwards when I realised where we were.

The exact same spot that he had took me, a few weeks back. He had parked his car in the same parking lot, the one that gave us the perfect view of the beautiful fields ahead, and the dark night sky. Last time we were here, we watched the sunset and ate McDonalds, and this time, we were going to watch the stars, and talk. There was a lot that needed to be said.

We climbed out of his car and walked around to the front of it, the boy not even hesitating before he had placed his hands on my waist, lifting me up onto the car bonnet with ease. Everything felt like deja vu, from the amazing setting to the exact way that he just picked me up, it made me want to re live that night over and over.

When Ethan sat down beside me, so close that his side was pressed up against my own, a sigh left his lips. It was a content sigh, one that he released before laying back against the surface, gently pulling me down with him.

The two of us now laid on the front of his car, our feet resting on the edge as we stared up at the sky above us. I didn't stare for long, though, as I quickly found myself looking at the beautiful boy beside me.

His deep hazel eyes glistened under the light that came from the stars, his lips parting slightly, clouds of fog coming from them in the cold air. I couldn't help but pay attention to his thick eyelashes, his perfectly sloped nose, back to his amazing, amazing eyes. He was perfect.

" We're so cliche " Ethan murmered as he stared up at the endless collections of stars that were in patterns, making me smile " But it's so worth it "
When Ethan finished this, he turned his head to face me, his orbs sticking to my own like glue. My cheeks naturally turned a little pink at this, as I looked back up at the sky, like he had been before.
" All we need to do now is talk about what animals and shapes we can make, with the clouds " I joked, thinking about every basic romance movie.

The small laugh that erupted from Ethan's lips was angelic, a sound so peaceful that it made my heart squeeze, out of pure love and admiration.
" We'll make that our next date " Was what he said, still staring at me so dreamily.
I decided to let myself feel it, something which I never used to do. I turned my head back towards him, so that we were both staring right at each other. Our fingers brushed against one another's and I felt him hesitate, before intertwining his fingers with my own.

When we were holding hands Ethan brought my own to his lips, placing a kiss against the back of it. His lips lingered against my skin for a few seconds, my arms growing goosebumps, as I thought about how sweet he was being. It was obvious that he was trying to delay the topic of conversation, as much as he could. He was also trying to make me feel comforted, safe, to talk about it with him.

" You might not believe me, but from now on, it's just you and me. I'm not going anywhere " Ethan's words were soft, laced with nothing but care.
I nodded at this, believing him, whether he thought I would or wouldn't. The pad of his thumb brushed against my own and I squeezed his hand a little, thankful for him.
" Whatever you want to do, I'll stay. I'll tell that stupid college that I have other priorities, I'll get a job, I'll do whatever I need to do. As long as I get to be with you, then I'm living my best life "

Ethan's words were passionate, though the mention of that stupid college lingered in my mind the most. Ethan fell silent after he said this.
" What stupid college? " I asked, knowing that there was something he was about to tell me.
And it was something big, I knew it was. I knew I was right when Ethan paused, his tongue resting on the roof of his mouth before he spoke.
" Remember how I wanted to go to UCLA? And I-I spent forever worrying about how I would ever get in? " He began, his words making my heart rate increase with each passing second " Well, they sent me a letter. I-I got in "

I knew what this meant, but I didn't let that put a downer on the moment. Instead, I let the grin grow on my face, something that surprised Ethan.
" That's incredible. I knew you could do it " I told him, speaking nothing but the complete truth.

Ethan didn't seem so happy, though. This was his dream. To take a course in film studies in California, the place he had always wanted to live, was something that he had once told me, that he strived to achieve. But I knew that deep down, though he may have been second guessing it right now, he still wanted that. And I was not going to stand in the way of his dreams.

" Ethan- " I tried to say, wanting to let him know that he had to go, he should accept this opportunity.
But instead, Ethan cut me off. He shook his head, holding onto my hand even tighter than before, as if he were afraid to let go.
" No. You're the only person I can be me around, the only person I'm one hundred percent comfortable with. And that's the truth. You're the only person I want to spend time with, Jade, and if I leave to go to California in...what? Two months? All of that, is gone " He spoke so quickly, the fear evident in his voice " And now, you're.. Y-You're pregnant, with my kid. If you think I'm leaving you, you're wrong "

I shook my head when he said this, trying to find the right words to say. I knew exactly what I wanted to do, or had to do. I had no other choice. I couldn't look after a child, I didn't have it in me, at eighteen years old, to do that. One day, but not now.

And with everything that's going on, and will be going on, carrying a baby for the next nine months wasn't an option, either. So, with that thought in mind, the words left my lips without hesitation.

" Ethan, I want to have an abortion " I suddenly said, watching as Ethan's lips sealed shut, his tight grip on my hand getting less and less.
He still held onto it, but I could tell that he were shocked. I knew it needed to be done. However, I couldn't help but sit upright, burying my head into my hands. If I felt this torn up about it right now, god knows what I would feel like after it's done.

Ethan followed my movements, sitting upright like I had done. It was silent, but I could have guessed that Ethan was about to speak any second now.
" A-Are you sure? " He asked me, his voice lower than before, filled with worry.
I lifted my head from my hands and looked up at the boy I loved, nodding my head slowly. Ethan didn't say anything at first, his eyes scanning across my face for any sign of doubt, before he leant back a little.
" Okay. Well, like I said.. I'm not going anywhere "

When Ethan said this again I couldn't help but smile weakly, grateful that he was so understanding. I knew that this was going to be hard, but it was going to happen. I had always been someone who believed in pro choice, but never thought I would ever have an abortion myself. But I guess you never know until you're actually in the situation, for real. It's one of those things that you think about, but think that it could never happen to you. We think that about a lot of things.

Ethan squeezed my hand another time, laying back down against the bonnet. I did too, shuffling a little closer to him, so that my side was against his. I didn't hesitate to place my head on his chest, my arm draping over his torso. He was so warm, so welcoming. I thought the feeling couldn't get any better but was mistaken when he began playing with the ends of my hair, twirling the strands around his finger.

My eyes peaked upwards as Ethan stared ahead at the beautiful view, my heart leaping in my chest. I felt the words on the tip of my tongue while I watched him, mesmerised. He had entered my life out of nowhere, and now meant the world, absolutely everything, to me. It was when I realised that he didn't know that, though, that I felt my pulse begin to quicken.

" Ethan? " I began, my voice quiet, like a tiny mouse.
The boy hummed as a yes, his eyes remaining on the forest ahead of us, the moonlight twinkling in his eyes.
I could feel his heartbeat against my chest and it was steady, the sound of it soothing me. That was when the words tumbled past my lips, so quietly, but also so clearly. Sometimes we hear what we want to hear.
" I love you "

As soon as I said this, Ethan's eyes snapped down to my own, sending my heart rate flying. He was surprised, pleasantly surprised. The boy began to smile, and I knew then, that he had been waiting to hear this for quite a while. But, I don't think he expected to hear it so soon, or to hear it from me, in general.

All he did was place a kiss against my head, the butterflies in my stomach fluttering. What I paid most attention to, though, was the sound of his heartbeat. It was pounding against his chest now, so loud that if I weren't to be resting against him, I could probably have heard it.
" I-I love you too, Jade. So much "