red | e.d

thirty six

EDEN-JADE THURLOW

" I'll be waiting, okay? " Ethan's words made me breath a content sigh, my anxiousness growing as we walked into the abortion clinic.
I nodded my head, acknowledging him. I couldn't bring myself to put anything I was thinking into words, but when we reached the counter and Ethan told the nurse my information, the waiting room empty for how early we were, I was snapped out of my daydream.
" We can take you right in, Ms Thurlow " She said, and I turn towards Ethan, looking up into his shimmering hazel eyes.

The boy gave me a reassuring smile and I didn't hesitate to wrap my arms around his body, holding him so close to me, afraid that he'll let go. The nurse didn't interrupt us, instead she watched us with a look of sympathy on her face, as Ethan brought his arms over my shoulders, in an embrace.

I had so much shit going on in my life, that whenever I was with Ethan, I felt as if he were my only hope.

" Y-You're going to be fine, Jade. I-I love you " Ethan told me, his words putting me at ease just the tiniest bit more.
Hearing anyone say that they loved me, was enough to make my heart beat that little bit faster. But when Ethan says it, it's as if my heart skips several beats at once, because I feel it too. And I've felt it deep down within me for far too long.

And that's when the nurse lead me down the small hallway, into an empty room. I was instantly greeted by Doctor Johnson, who didn't hesitate to hold his hand out, to shake. I accepted it, listening to his words carefully, about the side effects, the ins and outs of the procedure, and if I was certain.

And I was.

That's when I was made to change into a blue hospital-like down, my hand reaching up to pull the bobble out of my hair. I was alone in the room, and I looked up into the mirror opposite me, leaning against the sink. The sight of me in a hospital gown was enough to terrify me, the memory of my mother, laying in her hospital bed, coming back to me. But I wasn't going to let that stop me. I was done letting it ruin my life.

The doctor re entered the room and I was immediately connected to all sorts of machines, laying back against the bed, preparing myself for the needles. I feel one enter my arm and I hold in my wince, looking up at the doctor, who gave me a small smile.

I knew that this was his job, and I knew that I wasn't being judged. But I couldn't help but feel like I was.
For being so young, for being so dumb, and for that leading me here.

" Do you get many people doing this, at my age? " I asked honestly, intrigued, but also wanting to take my mind off of the fast that soon enough, I'd be drifting off into a sleep.
Dr Johnson paused and finished hooking me up to the machines, making sure everything was in check before his eyes locked with mine, and he spoke so quickly, without hesitation.
" You're not the first today "

I was shocked at this, but before I had any will to respond, I felt my eyes turn droopy. Within a few more minutes of me internally battling to keep my eyes open, afraid of what was going to happen to me, or afraid of never waking up, I had drifted off.

But lord knew, I couldn't have cared less about never waking up.

RED

I groaned slightly as my eyes reopened, my vision blurry. I brought my hand up to rub my eyes, only to groan slightly at the pain in my arm, looking down to see a small bruise from the needle. I did it.

My eyes darted to my left, and when I saw that Ethan was asleep beside me in a plastic chair, with a bouquet of flowers still sitting tightly in his hand, the corners of my lips began to tug upwards. He had still managed to make me smile, in the worst of times.

I tried to sit upright and the smallest sound, the sound of the thin white duvet rustling, caused Ethan to jolt up, the flowers falling from his hand and a few petals dropping off in the process.

The boy quickly bent over to grab them and looked back up in an instant, smacking the back of his head against the table. I folded my lips into a straight line and when I realised that some water had spilt against the table, and Ethan was now as red as ever, he spoke up.
" A-Ae you okay? " He asked me, his voice sincere and filled with worry, as his hand shakily brought itself to my knee, which was covered by the blanket.
" Are you okay? " Is how I responded with a hint of playfulness in my voice, nodding towards his head.
A large smile slowly outstretched onto Ethan's face when I said this, my heart fluttering at the sight. His cheeks were as pink as the flowers in his free hand and his pearly white teeth were on show, my own lips beginning to tug upwards at the corners.
" What're you smiling for? "

When I asked this Ethan let out a breathy laugh, looking down at the flowers in his hand. His eyes snapped back up to mine shortly after and they stuck like glue, the glimmer in them enough to make me feel weak to my knees.
" Because I-I don't understand how someone can be so god damn beautiful, every single day. No matter what " His voice was lower as he said this, the look in his eyes enouhh to make me believe him.
I had never felt this about myself, but Ethan was making me think that it could be true. He made me believe that anything was possible.

I allowed the smile to grow and I turned my head, not wanting Ethan to see me blush. He did and I covered my face with my hands, all before I felt his own fingers lace with mine, and place them back at my side, against the duvet. My hand felt warm and I knew it was because it fit perfectly into his, and when he let go, to bring his up towards my face, my eyes snapped towards his. The boy glanced down at my lips and when he leaned forward in his chair, his face inching closer to my own, my eyes fluttered shut.

Ethan's lips met with mine after what felt like so long and I melted at the feeling, his fingers supporting the bottom of my chin, while his others held the pretty flowers tightly in his hand.

It was so simple, but so sweet. Simply his soft lips
moulding with my own so slowly, as if we were in slow motion, in some sort of movie. It didn't feel real. It felt too incredible.

A kiss like this was the beginning, a promise of much more to come.

And as long as I had Ethan with me throughout it all, I knew that I would be okay.