I'm gonna start with this. I love you. No matter how many times I say it, I keep wanting to say it again. I want you to know it. I want you to feel it. I want you to hear it from me. I want to hear it from you for the rest of my days.
Right now.. I feel so sad that I'm just empty. I feel so helpless that I'm detached. I can barely feel anything. It's kind of a defense mechanism. When my heart knows too much sadness is going in, it shuts itself down. Stops me from feeling too much. In a way, I'm glad to say I didn't cry much. Not out of lack of feelings, mind you, but rather, out of my inability to do so.
So many tears I've shed. I think my heart tired itself out. It knows better than to let me keep crying. I'm breaking it too much over it. I mean sure, it was broken in the first place but it's like I'm pulverizing the broken shards. I can't take it. I really can't. Every fucking time I think of what Jazz said, of what YOU said, I have to remind myself that no, I can't lose hope. I have to fucking believe it if I want it to come true. I'm gonna pray every night and every day of every fucking year if it means I get to have you here with me. I'll do anything. There's no such thing as too much anymore.
Demon, I love you. You're my half. And my husband. And my Honeybear. My Caramel. My heart. My soulmate. I would gladly do a lot of things just for your sake. I need you. So badly. I love you so much it fucking hurts. Knowing you're not okay is torture. It breaks me. I'm already broken but it breaks me.
I need you. I need you to keep fighting. For you. For me. For US. There's still so much we haven't done. Your dreams. OUR dreams. Please don't let them stay like that. Just dreams. I want you here. I want us to be able to do them. I wanna have you for the rest of my messed up life. I wanna have kids. I wanna get married. I want to hold your wrinkly hand in mine. I wanna be able to lean my head on your shoulder as you hold me in your arms as we watch our grandkids. I want it so much. I want YOU so much.
I know, right now, it seems a bit impossible and the chances of it happening looks slim. But I need you to have hope. I need you to hold onto that hope. I can't have you giving up on me. Please. To lose you.. John, it would kill me.
Please.. Please stay with me, Honeybear. I won't be able to make it without you.. I love you.
YOU ARE READING
Poems By A Lonely Cloud
PoesíaJust poems. For my project. At least at first. Now its poems, an outlet for my thoughts and feelings at the current time. Thought its utterly confusing, I understand what im writing and I see myself grow through this. How I mature. Although im still...
